New Year. . .New Start

Next Wednesday is the eve of the coming year. We like to refer to the day as "New Year’s Eve." And in our reference we are expressing a hope that the coming year will be different.

Most of the time, however, the New Year is not different. It is a repeat of what has been in the past. The pessimistic writer of the Book of Ecclesiastes states it this way: "Is there anything of which one can say, ‘Look! This is something new’? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time" (Ecclesiastes 1:10).

In 2003, we spoke unkind words to someone who loves us and whom we love. Sometime in 2004, we are likely to repeat that behavior. So what’s new?

In 2003, we made some decisions that were destructive to relationships that are dear to us. Before we welcome in the year 2005, we probably will do something similar. So what is different? "It’s just deja vu all over again," as Yogi Berra is reported to have said.

Families need a time for closing the books and starting fresh. New beginnings, fresh starts, second chances - all of us need NEW years. At times Families need to put some changes in place. One definition of insanity is, "doing things the way you have always done them and expecting the results to be different."

The "Good News" is that change is possible. The year 2004 can be different than 2003. The bad news is that permanent change is difficult. The reason for this is that family ways of doing things tend to stay the way they are. The technical term for this is "homeostasis." We tend to do things the way we have always done them even when the results have been destructive. They are, after all, well-known and familiar behaviors.

Look out for the TTWWADI’s (pronounced "tee-wadi") in 2004. It is an acrostic that stands for "That’s the way we’ve always done it." If you are pleased with the results, then, by all means, continue. But if you are not happy with the outcome and your family has arrived at a place where they really want to change, let me make a couple of suggestions that you might find helpful.

First, formulate your desire for change into a statement of resolve and share your resolution with each member of the family. This will build in the accountability that is necessary for carry-through.

Second, cast your change in small bites. The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step. Make your plan for change in terms of January and set a time to review progress sometime toward the end of the month. When you meet at the end of January, review your successes and failures and then make a plan for February.

Make an appointment with your minister. Seek his/her counsel. He/she, of all the people in our community believes in the possibility of change. Your minister can put you in touch with resources that will provide you with support until your change is permanently in place.

I wish for you, my dear reader, a prosperous year in 2004 that is new in all the ways needed to create your heart’s desire for your family!