No one answer will work for all. The best thing to do is to discuss the issues with your parent when they are in good mental and physical health. Find out to what extent the parent wants life extended. Do they want Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) including ventilating machines when resuscitation only serves to postpone the moment of death? Does the parent want to be fed by an inserted tube when they are no longer able to feed themselves and will not be able to return to self feeding? The key is to learn what the parent wants.

You might then want to have a lawyer draw up a Physician Directive. This is sometimes called a "Living Will." There are several types of these available and your lawyer can advise you as to which will serve your purpose best.

When caring for my father required that I make some of the decisions regarding his health, I had my lawyer draw up a Power of Attorney with a Physician's Directive included. This document charged me with the responsibility of carrying out my father's wishes in the event he was unable. The responsibility was awesome. I am glad, however, that I did not have to make such life and death decisions.

It is important to note that a Physician’s Directive is not in force just because your physician and the hospital have a copy. The directive must be filed with the County Clerk’s office for it to be valid.

The one cardinal principle is this: The child is carrying out what their parent wanted, not what the child or family wants regarding life-prolonging measures. Some times the child is left without specific directions and must try to surmise what their parent would want done, or not done.

What is the alternative for people making hard choices about life and death, and then designating some trusted one to carry out that decision? The alternative is to leave the choice up to medical staff. These wonderful men and women are on the side of using all at their disposal to preserve life, and rightly so. But preserving life that lacks the basic qualities of being able to respond appropriately to environment may not be in the wishes of the patient. Each of us has the right to chose to be allowed to die with dignity. This is not euthanasia. It is the choice, at some point, to cease interfering with the life-death cycle.

Decisions regarding life-prolonging procedures are not black and white. They always involve various shades of gray. As you gather information the answers that are right for you and your loved one will become clearer. Physicians, clergy, and attorneys are just a few of the people in our community who can help you make sure that you have considered all the issues before making your choices.

My wife and I have made our Physician's Directive with the help of our lawyer. We have also given one of our children Power of Attorney to carry out our directive should we be unable to do so. Our children will not be in a quandary someday trying to decide what we would want with regard to life-prolonging procedures.