THE “L” WORD

I have to apologize to my loyal and new readers.  I have not been a good blogger recently but I have returned from my brief break and promise to write at the same frequency as I have in the past.

The simple reason for my brief departure is, as you all know, my boyfriend.  He not only flew to Hawaii for a week to see me but also surprised me with a vacation at a resort on a neighboring island.  I will spare you from detailed accounts of our days together, descriptions of our various sexual acts and other hot adventures.  Instead I will discuss something else of great significance: my use of the L word.  No, I am not talking about the L word “lesbian” but instead something even scarier, love.

I have not said “I love you” to anyone since my first boyfriend over six years ago.  Even in that first relationship I was not able to say those simple words for eight months after meeting him.  This time things are a bit different.  I knew that I wanted to tell my new beau that I loved him when he came to see me in Honolulu.  To be frank, I fell for him in just a week and after over six weeks of talking on the phone I was ready to say the dreaded phrase.  I rehearsed saying “I love you” several times and was ready for him to not respond in kind.  

I am still shocked that I was able to actually say those three words.  For the last few years I have avoided anything that resembled a serious relationship and managed to maintain several hot fuck-buddies, one of the best ways to guarantee great sex on a regular basis.  I purposefully kept boys at a distance and I was not looking for love.  And then I met Seven, my latest boy.  I am not sure why I felt such strong emotions for him and often I am afraid that my adoration will not be received well.  Luckily he expresses the same strong feelings towards me as I do towards him.  

While making out in the back of the car (am I 15 again?) he confessed, “I am falling in love with you.”  I thought this was close enough to “I love you” and this presented me with a great opportunity to express my feelings honestly.  I whispered, “I have a secret to tell you.  Can I whisper it in your ear like this?”  He nods.  “I do love you.”  He smiles and whispers back, “I love you too.”

Are we both being naive?  Can love develop after a two-month relationship or are we fooling ourselves and setting ourselves up for failure?  I am not sure.  All I know is that I want to strike a balance between cynicism and trust in both my own feelings and in him.

This new adventure has, to my surprise, proved to be simultaneously scary and fantastic.

8:32:45 PM