Beauty Dish

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I've put this off long enough... One of the places I used to drop Avon brochures is the Laundarama. You'd think with a name like it they'd have bright lights, coffee, vending machines, video games and soft chairs. But it's as utilitarian a coin-operated laundry as you can find in the free world. Aging avocado-colored washing machines form two parrallel lines down the center of the facility, and dryers that barely heat line the walls, half of them permanently taped shut with silver duct tape. Patrons fight to rest in one of the three sagging metal folding chairs. A big tub of alphabet cookies sits on the folding table. The same tub has been gathering dust for four years. I wonder if anyone ever reaches in for a snack. The first time I dropped off books I asked the man with the pencil-thin moustache and a blue demin shirt if I could leave Avon samples and brochures for his clients. He raised one eyebrow and pointed a middle finger at the folding table. His index finger was missing, only a stub at the first knuckle remained. "Yeah, lady, you can leave them on that table." I returned the next day to see if anyone took the brochures and they were all gone, a neat row of Mary Kay books in their place. I picked one up to study. They had the heady smell of perfume and were stamped with positive affirmations like "Be Your Own Boss" and and "Easy Money!" and "You Can Retire Early!" I was pleasantly surprised to find that Mary Kay stuff is wildly expensive compared to Avon. All the more sales for me, I figured. And I don't leave that recruiting nonsense on my brochures. I left another five books next to the pile of Mary Kay and headed out the door. I pulled a notebook out of my kilt pocket and notated in neat print letters: "Check Laundarama twice a week." I swear the Avon Goddess was with me when I stepped out that Laundarama door. I stooped down to tie a sneaker lace and a pile of mini-lipsticks fell out the kilt side pocket. As I scrambled to pick them up, I glanced in the laundry window. A short woman in a white sweatsuit trimmed in pink and gray picked up my Avon brochures and dumped them in the trash. She plumped up the Mary Kay books and made sure they looked trim and available. The pants of her suit were capris, and she wore new Nikes with gold laces. She turned around and headed back to the washers, stopping to open a machine and add fabric softener. I watched her and her fancy sweatsuit and expensive shoes close the lid to the machine and head back to the restroom. Who did she think she was? While she did her business, I ran back in the Laundarama, grabbed the Mary Kay books, shoved them down my kilt, and grabbed my Avon brochures out of the trash and ran out the door. Who knew Mary Kay books made such excellent bird cage bedding?? And now, without further ado..... the kilt!! Notice how an entire 24 ounce bottle of Bubble Bath fits in the front pocket! Now that's convenience! 4:25:58 PM    doorbell  []   semi-sorta review of Avon Mark Instant Vacation I'm happy my daughter is home for the summer. When I picked her up at college last week, she looked the same, had the same voice and laugh and way of slapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other for emphasis. But something is different, and I can't figure out what it is. I missed her presence these past school months, her mail art and scary intelligence and black pirate humor and bohemian ways. Last night I gave her the Avon Mark Instant Vacation kit. It contains three tubes of product - a skin exfoliator, a sunless tanning cream, and an after-sunless tan lotion - in a discreet brown and yellow box. She has the skin of her Scottish ancestors, the soft creamy white of a porcelein complexion, and in the sun she burns, burns fading over time to virgin white skin. I've never seen her tan in her 19 years. Even though my complexion is a bit more hardy and less susceptible to burning, I am envious of her perfect skin, the way it catches the light, the way it reminds me of dancers in the 1920s. The sunless tanning lotion goes on smooth and invisible, and 19 wondered whether she applied enough product to do the job. An hour later her skin was still the color of snow, no evidence of tan. And now, in the late hours of the morning, you can see the tiny beginnings of a light brown, not quite orange tan covering her arms and legs. Not a stellar tan by any means. A Scottish Lowlands tan. But forgetting the disappointment that the Instant Vacation was more like a trip to Kentucky rather than the Bahamas, I couldn't be happier to have such a cool and glamorous Avon model. She's ordered some of the Avon Mark colors and creams, and I can't wait to get her sure to be witty and free-spirited impressions and to see how they work on someone who has youth and beauty on her side. 10:00:22 AM    doorbell  []

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