How to Meet Strange Men
I take the dog for a walk every morning while the rest of the household sleeps. She likes to stop at every plant and sniff. It's always a slow walk. Today we sniffed all the sage bushes and ice plant on the way to the big street, then crossed, sniffing the line of new olive trees up the big hill where the woodpecker knocks on the telephone pole.
I usually wear black terry sweat pants, pull them on in the dark of the bathroom while the dog impatiently noses my leg, but this morning I wore my new Avon pajama bottoms instead. The Avon Nascar Coca-Cola pajama bottoms. Yup. You read that right.
Now, I'm not a NASCAR fan. I don't know anything about it beyond it involves fast cars, fast women, and lots of beer. These pajama bottoms are in the new Avon brochure, and they made me laugh, the way they are stamped countless times with Coca-Cola, a huge colorful "THE SOFTDRINK OF NASCAR" in a rainbow stripe down the left leg. They are soft cotton, with a drawstring waist, and they pooch out along the thighs like those parachute pants of the 1980s. My kids didn't notice them last night. They're used to my weird outfits.
So Suzie and I walked and sniffed and stopped and sniffed and waited and sniffed our way around the block. A man in a black t-shirt and green Bermuda shorts leaned against his camper van, smoking a cigarette. At his feet sat a pile of twisted barbeque equipment. He watched us approach, and as we drew closer I noticed a recent scar along his bicep and the dark circles under his eyes.
"Good morning." I nodded my head in his direction and continued to walk past but Suzie smelled the remnants of a thousand burgers on the grill at his feet and she planted four paws in the earth, and hunkered down to smell.
"Sorry! Suzie!" I yanked on the leash to pull her away but Suzie refused to budge. The hair on her neck stood straight out and she sniffed the metal like a bloodhound nearing the murder weapon.
"NASCAR. Nice pants. You a big fan?" The man flicked his cigarette ash in the street and ran his eyes up and down my legs. His voice was raspy and low.
"Uh, these are Avon. I'm an Avon Lady. I just liked the colors."
I gave Suzie a huge yank and she yelped and turned around to glare in my direction. I thought about mentioning the Eye Pefecting cream for those dark bags, but decided against it. The man took a long drag on his cigarrette and nodded his head.
"NASCAR is big." He said these words slow and deliberately as if they held a secret meaning.
"Have a nice day!" I started walking toward the next street and when we turned, I noticed the man still staring at my NASCAR pajamas.
6:56:19 AM 
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