Booty Dish Syndicate: Beauty Gone Wrong
Mike of Chew Toys is our next guest blogger on the subject of Beauty Gone Wrong. Be sure to visit his site and say Hi after reading his post!
Ewwwwwwwww, Canada
by Michael Doughten
When I was young, I used to have nightmares about being attacked by large white whales while I was walking on the beach. To this day I not a big fan of fish (I know, whales are not fish). I'll eat them but I don't really want to be swimming with them.
After many years of contemplating these reoccurring nightmares I came to realize that they were a result of a daily event I experienced every summer. My family would go to Myrtle Beach, SC for two weeks for our summer vacation. There I and every other child on the beach were exposed to 300 pound French Canadians in Speedos. This is the root of my nightmares and something the US government should have done something about long ago in the efforts of child protection.
They should have stopped people at the border and asked on those immigration forms: "Are you planning on wearing Speedos at the beach and are you over 200 lbs?"
Anyone answering yes should have been sent back to Canada.
In fact Canada should then have exiled them to France where apparently no one cares about this sort of thing.
Now I know that there are plenty of Americans that violate this basic principle of decency every day as well, but as a child I recall hearing French coming from the lips of most offenders. See what you have done to all of those innocent children? What were you thinking? I wonder how many of those kids grew up to be 300 pound Speedo wearers, thinking that it was okay? That this is a normal thing to do. Could this fashion crime have been averted?
While our police were running around going after crack dealers there were tons of "crack displayers" all over the beach. And I mean tons. They didn't have thongs back in my day but those Speedos were so stretched to the limit that they came damn close. Butt floss on 300 pound guys is just something no one EVER needs to see. Shudder. I'm sure those visions may have sent many kids to therapy for life. Maybe child psychiatrists are paying these people to wear Speedos just to drum up business. You never know.
There's a long list of things that should never be seen. You should never see your in-laws naked, you should never see Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl (or Michael Jackson anywhere for that matter), you should never see a bush in the white house, and you should never seen fat guys in Speedos. I'm well beyond the time when I would have looked somewhat acceptable in Speedos, but at least I know it.
3:14:03 PM 
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