Booty Dish Syndicate: Beauty Gone Wrong
Next up in our week of guest bloggers is Gary of One Sweet Dream! Please stop by his site and say Hi! I say this every time, and I'll keep saying it. If it weren't for Gary and his kind and thoughtful comments, I would have quit blogging very early on.
The Same Hair Day
I am by nature a very lazy guy, especially when it comes to personal grooming duties.
I hardly ever look at myself in the mirror. There's little reason to. I've had a full beard since shortly after high school, so if I have any facial zits, they're safely hidden and nobody knows. I do shave around the beard on my neck once a week, but I do it in the shower, by feel - no mirror necessary.
Even the laziest of us, though, have to concede to occasional hair grooming, and I no less. So, over the past few years I've become an expert at...
The Do-It-Yourself Haircut
Stop laughing. It only requires a little equipment and a lot of courage, but you can look good and save a bundle of dough.
Equipment:
Hair cutting kit - Available in most Longs or Thrifty-type drug stores for under $20. Get the kind that uses batteries or are rechargeable. The kits come with an assortment of attachments you'll need: a fine-toothed comb and several graduated sizes of "lifters." These plastic comb-like things attach to the head of the cutter and lift the cutting edge away from your scalp by different distances.
Mirror - Large enough to see your whole head, but small enough to haul outside.
That's it! Take your fully-charged cutter, the collection of lifters and mirror outside to a safe, wind-free location. Hang the mirror on a wall or a tree at a height where you can comfortably see your head. If you know how long you want your post-haircut hair to be, select the lifter with the appropriate lifting distance. The lifters will be identified with numbers - 1 through 5, or whatever, representing the different sizes. If this is your first time, use the biggest lifter first.
Take off your shirt. Comb out your hair in the direction it naturally grows. Take the trimmer in hand, smile at your brave visage in the mirror, and take a deep breath.
Turn the trimmer on and begin cutting. Press the combed lifter flat against your head and drag it against the grain of your hair, front to back, back to front, side to top. Turn off the trimmer from time to time to run your hand or the fine comb through your hair and check for long spots you missed. Continue trimming, going over and over the same areas. Don't worry, you can't mistakenly gouge out an area. The lifters do their job.
Not short enough? Switch to a smaller lifter and keep going. You'll end up with a nice haircut of uniform length all over - just what I like.
If you want the hair in back to be trimmed shorter above your neck, you'll have to construct an arrangement of at least two mirrors to see what you're doing. The true do-it-yourselfer will not hesitate, but this is a little much even for me. My main motivator is one of laziness, remember. This is the point where I bring in my wife and ask her to take care of the back of my neck.
If your hair is long to begin with, you can have a little fun. It's going to wind up all the same length anyway, so play around with the Mohawk look. Or be daring - try the reverse Mohawk. If you fancy yourself a real anarchist, try the Mohawk that goes from ear to ear. Good for a few nervous laughs, you can always even it out with the rest of your hair later.
Get a broom and sweep up the mess - or let nature do it for you. You are outside, after all.
I have another clipper set I use, with somewhat shorter lifters, to similarly trim my beard.
Doing your own haircut is high on the list of things you are never supposed to attempt. But most people tell me my hair looks pretty good. And as I said, it has saved me a bundle of money, and perhaps more importantly, the time spent dealing with a "professional."
Try it at your next opportunity. Remember - it will grow back.
11:25:29 AM 
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