It's a Bust?
read this first, if you haven't yet...
I know, I know. I poke fun at a lot of Avon products and procedures. Heck, I'm in the down and dirty beauty trenches, I get the door slammed in my face. I'm entitled, the GI's right to complain and all that. But I have to give kudos to the great people in the Avon Representative Hotline division. I've lost count of the times I called with my nutty half-assed questions busy Monday mornings, quiet Wednesday afternoons.
"Um. Can you tell me exactly every single ingredient in the Anew Clinical Line and Wrinkle Corrector?" I might ask, on some wild goose chase from a hive-ridden customer. Or "Why the heck don't my returns show up on my invoice sheet?" I'll ask in indignation, only to be gently reminded that I actually forgot to send in those returns this campaign.... Oh man, I can be a real Hotline Pest Extraordinaire.
But last week, I think I iced the cake. If they hadn't erected a Most Annoying Avon Rep plaque along those imagined hallowed walls, I'm sure they have now.
I tackled my intimate Bust Sculpt question with a bit of stealth.
"So, hey," I started in my best innocent and contrite voice, "Can you please tell me if the new Mark Dark Plum satin pajama lingerie set, size Medium, is in stock?" I waited a second, and my customer service gal returned to tell me Yes, They Sure Are, Hon. And Can I Help You With Anything Else?" Her voice was warm, inviting. She didn't sound as if she read from a script; she sounded alive and present, a Buddha of beauty-in-the-moment. Like I said, I love those Hotline folks.
"Um, yes. Yes. I have one more little question. Is the Bust Sculpt safe for internal use?" I rushed through my question, as if it meant nothing, not one thing at all, as if I could take or leave an answer.
The Hotline Lady paused, took a deep breath, rolled out an answer without the tap tap tap of a computer consultation.
"Well, hon, you don't eat the product! You apply it in an upward and outward motion to the bosom. It's for external application."
I took my own deep breath. Damn. What the hell. I sighed, long, loud, and spoke of my customer and her husband with the homegrown Viagra ideas.
"Oh. My. God." Hotline Lady echoed my own thoughts, excused herself for a moment, and I heard the sounds of raucous laughter behind her. Oh man, I thought. Oh man. She returned, and with a giggle mixed with her own midwest sweetness, she gave me the answer I sought.
"Well hon, the product hasn't been tested in that manner. But if you find out yourself, can you call me back? We'd all LOVE to know!"
10:45:46 AM 
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