Review: Avon Anew Clinical Man So Soft
Two weeks ago, Avon sent me a preview tube of the upcoming Avon Anew Clinical Man So Soft. According to the postcard accompanying Man So Soft, this product comes out next quarter and will be fanfared in the Mens Catalogues, the core Avon brochure, and in radio, television, and print advertisement. Usually when Avon sends me an advanced preview, they also send a boat load of sales literature and customer handouts, but this time I only received the Avon Man So Soft and five boxes of samples. Frankly, I have no idea what this product does, but applaud Avon's efforts to include men in their best selling Anew Clinical line.
I decided to do some blind market research and enlisted the assistance of my best customers. My first victim... er... customer, MaryAnne, lives in a hundred-year-old adobe home surrounded by a natural wood fence. I hauled my Avon past a chained and sleepy rotweiller, knocked on the door, and handed her five samples and the latest brochure.
"MaryAnne, I really could use your help. Avon sent me this new Man So Soft, but I don't know what it does. Can you test it on Frank and let me know what happens?"
MaryAnne looked at the samples in her hands. They looked like condom wrappers, all square and grey, enhanced with a manly font.
"Birdie, what is this? Man So Soft? Does this cure the problem or does it make your man soft and tender?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Heck if I know. Just call me and let me know, ok?" I left MaryAnne standing on her porch, gazing at the Man So Soft. I sent a silent prayer to the universe that Frank was game and continued on my way.
Fourteen days and three couple customers later, I still had two full boxes of samples and three couples ready to experiment in the name of Clueless Saleslady Research. The data is in, and this what my customers have to say:
From Anita and Gary, college professors at the local state university:
"We 'tried' it and it wasn't very hard to use except for the fact we didn't know how to sure how to use it, so Gary had a couple suggestions, but asked me several times before hand whether I was sure that the effect was permanent because he felt that in one scenario, that could be a very good thing, but in the other hand, he could really be let down. Anyway, we 'tried' it and we can tell you that, clinically speaking, once you get it on, it really does the job."
From Juanita and Esteban, ranchers:
"After a long day on the ranch, sometimes I'm really tired at night, but Esteban being the bullheaded man that he is, doesn't always want to settle down at night. So I was hoping this would help him settle down and so I left it on the bathroom counter and told him after he gets a shower why doesn't he try some of this on himself. He asked me what it was for, and I told him that it does what a man needs. And he seemed to understand and I didn't have to say anything else. So I went to bed and Esteban came out of the shower and got into bed with me and we had a few minutes of nice cuddling and that was it. I had a good night sleep. I think this is a good product but the next morning Esteban didn't say anything about it. In other words, it works for me."
MaryAnne and Frank, motel owners
"We decided to leave the samples in our hotel rooms and leave a questionnaire where the users were asked to leave their comments. All five were used, but we only got three comments back. Comment number one: Whatever the hell this stuff is (is it legal?) John would really like to get our hands on more of it although what he did with it I don't know. Comment Number Two: We like very much this sample. My husband's hair is very soft. And taste good, too. Comment Number Three: Is this a joke? What's wrong with you people? I didn't sleep all night!
So, dear readers, I am still stumped as to what Man So Soft does. I still have twenty samples, so if anyone would like a sample and assist me in this blind market research, please drop me an email.
P.S. I don't think it's edible.
edited on April 4 to add: This was my 2006 April Fools blogging joke! I had a lot of fun writing it!
5:16:45 PM 
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