Friday, March 19, 2004

"Don't Cry Kitty; Mommy Will Read to You" 6:18:45 PM    comment [] Domesticity Is Putting Your Books in Alphabetical Order People who don't have time to read baffle me. How do they stay sane? How do they escape? How do  they figure out stuff? My first library card seemed magical.  My sister-in-law once said: "your idea of domesticity is putting your books in alphabetical order." I took that as a supreme compliment:) Reading always took precedence over housework in my family. I was enchanted when  my three year old crooned to her doll: "Don't cry baby; mommy will read to you." Created during a bad time in my first marriage is a sweatshirt that proclaims: "Never love a man who doesn't love Jane Austen, Doris Lessing, and Margaret Drabble" (see links). Jane Austen introduced me to my second husband, an Englishman. I made a Jane Austen literary allusion on an internet support group, and Andy made a witty comeback. I was smitten. Little did I know how much reading about green cards awaited me. 6:12:17 PM    comment [] My Mother My mom Mary is the second oldest of eight children; she has five brothers and two sisters. .She was born in Brooklyn, grew up in Queens. Her dad was sick throughout her adolescence and died when she was 17. Her younger brother reminisces: "When my big sister went to Our Lady of Wisdom Academy, in her first semester, she had the highest grade in the school. She was pretty, had many friends, was ever so popular and very smart." Her yearbook praises her "sincerity, bubbling vivacity, scholastic excellence, literary talents, athletic prowess, sparkling wit." Her dad was seriously sick throughout her adolescence and died when she was 17. His death ended her plans to attend college; her suddenly poor family needed her earnings. She worked as a secretary and attended college classes at night. Overworked, she got sick with pneumonia and had to withdraw from college after 18 credits. She met her future husband, Joseph, an insurance actuary, at a summer resort in August 1942. He was drafted into the army in November 1942; for four years they wrote each other every day. We still have all their letters. They married in March 1944; I was born in 1945. They moved to Long Island and had five more children, all boys. My brothers have done well: a lawyer, an accountant, a teacher, a nurse, a chemistry professor. She has 15 grandchildren, ranging in age from 31 to 5. Mom had not abandoned her dreams of college. When her youngest son started school in 1963 she returned to college, got her BA and MA from Hofstra in American History. She taught social studies at Uniondale High School on Long Island for 11 years. She was a dynamic, exciting teacher, the kind you don't forget. Twenty-five years after she retired, I still meet people who remember her. Her former students assure her they vote in every election because she taught them the importance of voting. For several years she worked for Bread for the World, an organization that combats world hunger. She cared for my grandmother during the last seven years of her life. My dad died of Alzheimer[base ']s disease in 1987 after a four year illness; until the last few weeks Mom cared for him at home. For 15 years she ran an Alzheimer[base ']s support group and was the chief political lobbyist for the organization. Mom was the very model of successful aging until January 2000 when she developed Parkinson's Disease and suffered severely disabling falls. Her volunteer commitments were the equivalent of a demanding full-time job. She took cruises, lobbied in Albany and Washington for the Alzheimer[base ']s Association, visited her sons in Maine, Kansas City, North Carolina. She socialized with friends from all eras of her life. She lived alone in in a large suburban house until December 2000 when she moved in with me. She did all the shopping, home repairs, cooking, cleaning. Her home was the center for large family gatherings. She took care of a large garden. She drove constantly until her auto accident in April 2000. My mom's constant support made it possible for me to earn two master's degrees and return to work full-time with four daughters still at home. When my brother was gravely ill in 1999, she drove a hour to his hospital bedside every day for five months. When she retired from teaching, she told the high school newspaper interviewer that she would have liked to be a lawyer, to go into politics. I can easily visually my mom in her prime running for Congress; she was such a dynamic leader. But she never indulges in regrets. She has had a rich life, serving her family and the larger world. 4:46:58 PM    comment []

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