Monday, March 29, 2004

Even Babies Are Sleep-Deprived Poll Finds Even Babies Don't Get Enough Rest. Infants average almost 90 minutes less sleep a day than the 14-hour minimum doctors recommend. By David Tuller. [New York Times: Health]  We are in trouble.  No one in America gets enough sleep, even infants.  Apparently the womb is the only protected sanctuary from our brave new world of 24/7. 11:53:46 PM    comment [] Mom and Fibi I hope no one takes the following the wrong way.  I am sitting at the dining room table using my ibook looking across at my mom sleeping in her recliner in the living room.  In many ways her daily life seems to resemble that of Fibi, our eleven year old cat, who is sitting on her lap. Mom enjoys eating, welcoming a variety of foods. She enjoys being around people and being touched and stroked.  She is touched so much more now than when she lived alone as a widow from 1987 to 2000.  I am playing Bach's St. Luke's Passion  on the stereo.  Mom likes the room warm.  In fact the only complaint she reliably makes is if she is too cold or our hands are too cold.  She gets more awake and animated when there are visitors or a change in routine; she is pleased when they sit next to her, hold her hand, tell her how good she looks.  She stills wants her gray hair touched up because she cares about looking pretty.  She enjoys showering and being clean.    She seems to enjoy being outside, notices trees and flowers.  She seems content though her daily routine is totally different than it was when she was younger. What her inner life is, I can't guess.  For all I know, she could be having thrilling dreams; certainly she doesn't seem to have nightmares.  She looks peaceful when she is sleeping. When I feel overwhelmingly sad about how Mom has changed, I remind myself that I don't feel sorry for Fibi; she is just older, not the energetic, exciting cat she used to be who used to walk across our curtains rods.   But we still love her, enjoy her, love to touch her,  and are very glad she is around. All the years Mom was healthy, she wasn't overly fond of Fibi, who is a rather temperamental cat.  But now they both have mellowed and spend most of their days together. Fibi seems to know Mom requires gentleness . I don't mean to insult my mom in the least.  I am trying to reframe her experience to make it more bearable for everyone.  Cat lovers would understand. 11:42:08 PM    comment [] Accepting Dependence Baby boomers are prone to believe that if they eat right, exercise daily, keep intellectually active, they will never be frail old people, dependent on others. Until four years ago, my 82-year-old mom was extremely independent.  She lived alone, she drove, she traveled, she walked, she did yoga,  she had many volunteer commitments. She was the helper, never the helped.  Asking for or accepting help was almost impossible for her. Everyone admired and reinforced her independence; ironically it made her aging more difficult for everyone concerned.   My mom developed Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, a Parkinson-plus neurological disorder; it destroyed her balance and she started to fall.  She refused to make accommodations to her growing disability. In 2000 she fractured her pelvis, her sternum, her arm, and her ribs.  She broke her arm in physical therapy; bored with the exercise bike, she decided to try the trampoline, balanced on one foot, and didn't hold on.  In 2001, visiting my brother, she fell from the top of his stairs and suffered serious brain damange.  She has not been herself since.  She is totally dependent on her family and home health aides for all activities of daily living; she can never be left alone.   If she had been able to accept her need for help, she might have avoided some of the falls that so compromised her quality of life. So many parents of friends begin to need help as they near 80.  Yet so many peope in their 70's living alone don't seem to worry about their futures.   Independence is a desirable goal of human development, but most of us have long periods of dependency at the beginning and end of life.  Realistically accepting  and planning for the probable dependence of aging  may be one of the baby boomers' hardest challenges. 10:29:53 PM    comment []

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