"We have a name for these regulars. We named this one girl, School Girl. When she walks in, we all just say, "Fuck! It's School Girl." School Girl means...

She's nearly sixty, but she loves to have her hair perfect and she powders herself and everything, and she walks in the room and it smells like a fucking funeral home."

--Waiter in the Village

..........

Things have changed so much in the restaurant industry in the last decade or so. I'm wondering how many of you realize that many of the places we eat at, while not necessarily chains, are basically owned by the same corporation.

It's a way to keep down food costs. So instead of one restaurant buying wines, bread and meat, it's six restaurant operating under a corporation buying the same stuff. They just vary the presentation slightly so that it appears that the French place down in the Village is a different place than the one up in Midtown.

But along with savings comes a loss of individuality. It might be hard to notice, unless you're a guy like Patrick who has been waiting tables in Manhattan for the last 25 years. Here his is talking about waiting tables while studying Latin, and why he can't stand the upsell.

*******

And even while I'm working, ya' know what, I'm no brain surgeon. If I fuck up and they get spaghetti and meatballs instead of spaghetti and sausage, it's not like, "Oh it was the left lobe of the brain, I was supposed to be operating on the right lobe."

Like last semester, I was taking Latin and I had all my conjugations and declensions on the back of my notepad. I've been doing this all my life. Is my restaurant a crazy place to work? When shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan. But I've been doing this so long, that even when there's complete chaos, I can still study my Latin.

While I'm on the floor.

So it's a great job and I can still take home $1200 - $1500 a week while studying at night, on the floor.

You just need common sense. That's the one character trait that I find is most needed in a waiter. Stay focused. Ya' know what? I guess I'm not focused if I'm studying Latin or if I'm flipping cards to find out what piece of art belonged to which period. I'm really not focusing on the restaurant; I'm focusing on my exams. But I still get the job done. So, I don't know about saying focused. Organizational skills and finding out what needs to be done first. That's important.

And realizing that I can't do everything. There are a lot of people out there who are paid to support me, the bus staff, the management...and I'm not...The restaurant industry has really changed since I started. It's become where you're really a glorified salesmen, especially in the corporate restaurant where I work. Water isn't just water; it's a chance to upsell. Vodka isn't vodka, It's a chance to increase your check rate. And they really look at that.

2:06:47 PM     comment []

"The worst people to wait on are families with kids. Wait. Let me be more exact: white families with kids. Black people don't put up with kids going crazy when they go out to eat. They'll smack that kid up side the head."

--Waiter at Houlihans

.......

I got a lot of hate from people who waited on families, and it makes me wonder, why do people go out into public and let their kids act like maniacs? I mean, if you're out in public, your kid should be on better behavior than if he was in his own house. But many people go out to eat like it's an escape from parental responsibilities.

I once watched a kid lick the top of a ketchup bottle, and then observed the mother wipe it off with a napkin and replace the cap. What an idiot!

Anyways, I'm continuing my interview with Patrick. I think he was probably the fifth person I spoke with and one of the few who is actually happy waiting tables. He actually caused me to wonder if my whole take on waiting tables-that it sucks-could maybe be completely wrong. Then I realized that it takes all types, and that you just make the best of what you're doing in life. Especially if you're content with your job.

Here he is talking about how waiting tables is putting him through Columbia.

*******

I work four nights a week. I work a double on Saturday, which is like an 18 hour day, and I go to school five or six days a week. I go to Columbia University. I study Ancient Studies--the Greek and Roman worlds, Latin and Greek languages.

A couple of years ago...well I'd never gone to school. I just got lost in New York as a youth, and I started going to my local community college, and I took an art history course, seeing what I was into, some history courses. And after a few semesters, I realized this is what I want to do. I love teaching and I've just got a passion for history and languages and literature and art. I'm probably about two semesters away from graduating.

I literally had to go see a therapist. "My god, they've made some fucking mistake here. How did I get here?" I'm next to these brilliant kids and I'm being taught by world renown professors. I felt like an imposter.

But I started doing the work and I was getting the same grades I was getting in my community college. I was succeeding. So it took me a good two or three semesters to really settle in and realize that I do belong here. I've gotten awards for writing. I've got a 4.0 average, Phi Beta Kappa. So I'm really doing well.

I've found it different at Columbia. I was never aggressive or competitive. I shied away from that. But to succeed at Columbia, you really need to be competitive. You really need to the first in there. If they ask for ten page, give fifteen. If they want it on Tuesday, give it to them on Monday. If anybody asks for help, give it to them.

I thank my lucky stars that I'm able to go to Columbia and work in an industry that allows me any time off that I want. At the drop of a hat, I can dump two weeks worth of shifts and go to Europe, or dump two or three nights and concentrate on a paper or an exam.

1:42:11 PM     comment []

"The best people to wait on are gay men, by far. The worst are probably lesbians. And I'm a lesbian. They don't tip."

--Waitress on Christopher Street

........

I'm gonna' start off with a new waiter today. I see that I got a link from the "The Independent" in London. Thanks guys.

Our new waiter today has been around for some time, as you'll soon read. He was an interesting guy to interview, a great deal more relaxed with his job as a waiter. Not hating the customers.

I guess I can understand. He's made a good living serving people food and alcohol. Bought a house, and new car, as well as multiple vacations, and now he's putting himself through Columbia. So it's not all bad.

By the way, does anybody know the actual name of the restaurant he gives me? When I was transcribing it, I thought I heard Café d' Artiste, or Café de Solstice...? Anybody can help me? The place is long closed.

Anyways, the guy's name is Patrick and he works at a restaurant up in Midtown. A destination site for all the tourists.

*************

I moved to New York with my boyfriend when I had just turned seventeen. We moved in together and got an apartment on west 50th street and 9th avenue. It was 1977.

I just happened to be walking up and down the streets; there was a subway strike going on. I was a naive kid. I'd never waited tables in my life but he was waiter, and I just went into restaurants. Filled out applications. The first day I went out I got a couple of hits with people telling me to come back, and there was a restaurant that asked if I could start training next week.

I went home and told my boyfriend which restaurants there were and he said, "The Russian Tea Room. That's a good restaurant."

And I was seventeen years old, and I got the job the next week. That was in late August and by Christmas time I was making probably $1200 a week. I blew it all--drugs, alcohol and cocaine. It was 1977.

It was nice at the Russian Tea Room. It was a union house. The customers was not needy at all, considering the type of clientele. It was right in the middle of the publishing area. We got CBS, and NBC and the publishing industry on Madison Avenue. It was a pretty cushy job.

I lived on west 50th and the restaurants was on 57th and I started going to studio 54 almost every night and blowing money...and blowing guys. [Laughs] Ya' know? It was a rough couple of years. I got lost in New York City.

I've only worked at a few restaurants. I went to the Russian Tea Room, then I went to Maxwell's Plum, and from there to Café Del Soltice. Then I moved to New Jersey and worked in one place in Jersey. Then I went to where I'm at now. I've been here for ten years.

Each restaurant is its own culture. I would put Maxwell's Plum, the Russian Tea Room and Café Del Soltice on the same scale. Probably all five star restaurants, especially Café Del Soltiice. This place is a family place, big platters, more relaxed as far as style.

But I do think each restaurant has it own unique culture.

10:57:50 AM     comment []

"Just the other day, the bartender told me one of our regular gives her a hundred dollar bill to pee in a glass and let him drink it at the bar. [Laughs] I know, it's sick. He doesn't do it all the time.

I keep asking her, but she won't tell me who the guy is."

--Waitress at a restaurant by Tompkins Square

........

Okay, so what kind of drink do we call this? Any idea from creative bartenders out there?

Anyways, this is the second part of Mark's interview where he describes how he deals with rude customers. I've often wanted to just grab some bastard and shake the hell out of him. I actually even followed one guy out of the restaurant to scream at him.

That's when I knew I was getting a little nuts.

In case some of you are just stopping in for the first time. Mark attended art school in Manhattan and has been a professional waiter working at an Italian spot south of NYU for the past ten years. As you can see, he's fully accepted the job as a waiter and all the crap that it entails. This is the last of my interview with him and I wish him the best of luck.

Thanks for the interview.

************

A person like me--a career waiter--you accept it. I don't look at it like that anymore. In the beginning of my career, people would get me upset. I would think, "How could you do this? How could you act like this? What kind of person are you?"

But then you have to get past it. And then you don't look at it like that anymore. You really don't. You see it coming; you see it going. And then the next day, and the next day. You just have to accept it. And even learn how to avoid it.

Say things in certain ways, so it doesn't come at you. You learn how to keep it smooth. Little things you must do: your facial expression, little gestures, tone of voice, eye contact. There are so many things that are going on. So many things between the waiter and the customer, you know? You don't really think about it.

So I think a waiter, who has been doing it a long time, has his own way to neutralize, you know, situations with people. You just want it to be smooth. You don't want to have any altercations. And that's what a waiter learns--to survive to make it easy. Let the rough side drag, let the smooth side show.

That's a Jessie Winchester song.

1:45:51 PM     comment []

"Most celebrities are great to wait on. They're nice, and they tip well. I think most actors were waiters at one time or another. The only person I had that was bad was Martha Stewart.

But I think everyone already know that she's a bitch, don't they??

--Waitress at Angus McIndoe

..........

Probably the worst thing a waiter has to deal with is that random, rude customer. Usually, you can spot them. Usually...Sometimes they come out of the blue, some small fleck of humanity, demanding attention with all the grace of a three year-old sitting in wet diaper.

I just couldn't handle it sometimes and I actually yelled at customers. But I think the people who have done it long enough, get used to rude behavior and learn to tolerate it even. Here's the first of two parts, where Mark talks about dealing with rude customers. He works at an Italian restaurant south of NYU.

*******

If you have everything going, like having your checks ready to go. I'm anal about this. When I take an order, I go into the kitchen, I give the runner the dupe, and I'm writing in the prices on the ticket as I'm walking out the door of the kitchen. By the time I get to the front I've got all the prices down. I've got to do it.

If I put in a dessert order, I write that down because then I've got it out of the way. I don't have to do it. So that saves me time. God forbid, I had four checks that didn't have prices and didn't have the desserts on them when the people wanted them. That's really bad. That would screw me up and I couldn't do my job that way. So that's how you have to be, I think.

I could be like this other waiter who is always freaking out. But he gets the most praise because he likes to talk to people. He's an actress. The owner likes it, but he spends too much time at the table. If he gets too many tables, she can't cover the tables. You have to use your time economically.

If you can do it with a little style, it's nice. A little style and grace. You go in, you get out.

Rude customers don't bother me because I don't care. You get to a level where it's not personal anymore. Because, you know, it's a strange thing because you realize you're a waiter. You're not a person then. If you just accept the fact that you're a waiter, you don't personalize it. It's nothing. It's the business. It's just like any difficult thing in any business. You don't take it to heart.

8:44:35 AM     comment []

"You get all kinds of sex drama in the restaurant. Love triangles, love quandrangles, and assorted other types of parallelagrams."

--Waiter at Craft

......

As I've been posting on other occasions, the kitchen is NOT the place you wanna' work. Not unless you enjoy long hours, hard work, and little pay.

It's one of the things that I think is misleading about Food Network. I do love the channel and I do love cooking, but cooking is not glamorous. It sucks. The last place in the world I would want to be is in the kitchen. The customer, of course, doesn't see any of this craziness, shit being thrown up against walls when people get pissed off.

But then there are exceptions. And that seems to be the case with the restaurant where D. works. His place is down in the Village and he has a slight accent since he comes from Asia.

*************

The chef is the owner and he works in the afternoon to make sure everything is there. The sous chef is legal. He's an American. A citizen, but he's originally from Belgium. Our other sous chef is Mexican, but he's legal too. Then we have a couple of kids--dishwashers, young kids who are probably not legal. But I can't tell 'cause it's not my business, so I don't ask.

But they get paid, get vacation, and they are treated well. The kitchen is run well by the owner. They are untouchable.

The bartender is the best position to have. Next is manager, but the manager works his tail off. It's hard, hard work. Many hours.

None of the kitchens work like this one 'cause usually the kitchen is screaming at the waiter. The last job I had you could be in the dining room and you could hear them screaming back in the kitchen. Customers would come and complain to me.

But no other kitchen is like this one. I think it's because the owner is a chef so he runs the kitchen like it should be run. Nobody screaming and yelling. Like if you have the kitchen do something for you and it's reasonable and he's yelling a little bit, but nobody's cursing at each other.

It's a good environment. And most of the waiters are well educated, so the way the communicate is very different. Like other places it's usually, "Fuck you!"

But here it's relaxed.

5:10:25 PM     comment []

"I used to have dreams about a wall of people trying to get in. [nods her head] And we're trying to seat them all, get them menus, take their order...

It's stressful. I have to meditate before I come into work."

--Waitress at Pastis

..................

There's different ways that restaurants divide the tips. In some places, whatever the table leaves, the waiter gets, but in others, it's a pool. So all the tips come together and everybody gets a split.

It's a better system because it cuts down on all the competition for customers, and believe me, service is better.

Here's D. talking about the work at his place in the Village. He's from Asia, so he has a bit of an accent.

********

I'm not sure how they do it at the big restaurants. At a small restaurant like this, I think the pool is the best way. Because you don't have to bribe the maitre d. 'Cause if you're the host, you can give the shitty customers to the waiters you don't like. You can always tell, the shitty customers, the cheaper ones. And that's not fair and it's bad for the restaurant.

Honestly. I don't like waiting tables. The older days you got benefits but not now. I would rather make less money and get benefits, when you're getting older. Health insurance. But again, it could be worse. The economy is not doing so well.

It's no future. It's good as a temporary job when you're young, cause you have energy when you're running on the floor. But when you get older, you're less attractive. The customer is not that interested. You look too serious.

So you have to find something to do. I don't know what I'm gonna' do next. I was in the travel business, but it didn't work out. I started the business once. Bicycling tours. We took them cross country.

I'd like to do something with my wife. She's in the fashion business, so she could open her own shop. Maybe downtown in Tribeca. That's a long way from now. You need a lot of capital.

And the economy is not so good. Everything is fifty percent off. So why should people spend money on fashion when they can get it for thirty dollars in Gap? It's not easy.

2:43:58 PM     comment []