Here's D. sort of going on about a host of different topics, from what he really wants to do besides being a waiter, to how much it sucks being a manager. Trust me, it does suck. You're caught in the middle, making no money and being worked to the bone by the owners.

A bartender from the Carnegie Club once told me, "The restaurant manager is this planet's lowest form of human existence." I believe it.

D. also runs on about regulars--boon and bane of restaurant existence. Sometimes a regular can be great, but often they just use their "regular" status to be demanding little shits. They start off easy enough, maybe asking for a little extra sauce, or wondering if they can get that special from last week that's no longer being offered on the menu.

Next thing you know, they're whining that the calamari is not the same since Julio left the kitchen to go back to Mexico, and "How come the price of my favorite steak just went up?" And let's not get into the availability of favorite tables or even places at the bar.

It's like you're back in kindergarten with squalling kids all screaming for the blue cup. Gimme a break.

But as D. explains it, your every move is watched when you're a regular. And if you come in often enough, you rate a nickname. By the way, D.'s from Vietnam so you don't get thrown by his accent.

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It's relaxed environment. It's generally predictable, mostly local clientele and I know a lot of them. It's laid back but everybody does their job, so there's hardly anyone fired. And the staff is making the money, so they stay. They're not quitting. It's bad for restaurant when you're constantly changing staff.

Every restaurant is different, especially when it's run by partners. Those are the worst, because partners want to make the money. If you and I are partners, you're worrying that I'm stealing money, and I'm worrying that you're stealing money. And control. Both are trying to control the beverage and the food and everything.

So you make money but you work your tail off. The manager. I think that's the worst to be. There's a lot of pressure. You have to be successful othwerise they fire you and bring in someone new. Waiters, you can survive pretty long.

After I quit that restaurant, I went on travel for some time, and tried another thing. Totally different. I wanted to quit the restaurant business for good, because I had enough. That was in '92.

I went on and did cross country traveling. That's what I do best. And I helped my family back home. But I can't do that when I get older and I got married again, and I've got a woman that I love so that's why I went back to the restaurant business.

A friend of mine recommended me, and they needed someone a couple of days a week, but then they made sure I made money. It's very comfortable there.

We have some very difficult regulars. They are...high maintenance. You have to please them all the time. You have to know what they want. You have to be there when they need you. They are demanding and you have to please them.

I mean, you close at 11:30 and they show at 11:35. Something like that, because they always come and spend money. Some new waiters don't want to do it but you have to train them and let them know, "You have to make these people happy."

So I don't want to wait on them. But I have to.

Sometimes you get the guy who comes in and orders eggs benedict and it's not on the menu, so you have to go back and ask the kitchen. Every time you ask the kitchen something, you owe them back. A favor in return. I can do this, but a new waiter can't do this. He has to ask someone else to do it for him.

Most of them are nice, but some of them, you want to get rid of them. But you can't. They consider themselves a regular but they're really just a pain in the neck. [Laughs]

We have a name for these regulars. We named this one girl, School Girl. When she walks in, we all just say, "Fuck! It's School Girl." School Girl means...She's nearly sixty, but she loves to have her hair perfect and she powders herself and everything, and she walks in the room and it smells like a fucking funeral home. [Laughs]

And she loves to look like some young girl.

She always ask for this certain table, and she sit for a LONG time. She always wants the best table in the house. She spends about average amount of money and she demands the certain waiter to serve her. "I like this guy wait on me. I want other guy wait on me" Well, sooner or later she runs out of waiters because nobody wants to wait on her. And what you gonna' do? You can't stop her from coming in.

We have guy, he's a regular too. He lives next door. We call him Wet Spot. [Laughs] What he do is, he always brings the new girls in the restaurant. I think it's not a date. I think it's an internet girl of some sort, or whatever. Always a new one. And always like fresh off the boat. Like Asian girls...he loves Asian girls.

And he usually starts making his move after a short time, like half an hour or so. So we call him Wet Spot. [Laughs]

We're bad. But it's inside. We don't say it to him.

6:58:55 PM     comment []