24 April 2004

Getting real If there was one thing I longed for as a teenager in church, it was honesty. I was dying for my pastor to stand up and just be transparent before us, not trying to beat us down about how insufficient our efforts were, not trying desperately to convince us all that he was a "mighty man of God," but just coming clean and admitting: "Hey, folks, we're all in the same boat here." I absolutely hungered for that kind of honesty. It was almost a personal dream that one Sunday he would take to the platform and confess he was one of us, that he had weaknesses and insecurities and sins and failures, too. I say that with sadness, not anger: Sadness for me as a teenager, sitting there week after week and thirsting for that more than anything else, but only ever seeing the same tired, old performance; and also sadness for him, that he was so bound up by his insecurities and didn't seem like he was ever going to be able to drop the act. It's liberating to drop our masks, yet ironically we cling on to them with all the might we can summon. One of my favourite hymns has the following verse: Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name? Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same? Until I was introduced to that hymn, I don't think I'd ever considered that loving ourselves might be part of the gospel. Even when we accept other people, sometimes the biggest obstacle is accepting ourselves. Over at Correction this week, Matt writes: The point is this: what good is loving your neighbor the way you love yourself, if this is how you treat yourself? We say things to ourselves that we wouldn't say to our worst enemies. We treat ourselves worse than we treat complete strangers. If compassion is something that matters to you, how about showing yourself some for a change? A friend of mine also wrote down some thoughts about "secret identities" this week. Why do we hide who we are? The real work of healing in our lives begins when we are honest, when we accept ourselves and accept each other in all our weakness and inadequacy, but forgiven and reconciled in Jesus. That's where the healing ought to begin in church, but along the way we all picked up these masks and are terrified to let them drop. There's a censorship that goes on about what we can and cannot say, how much we can reveal, how bold we can be in facing up to our doubts, our fears, our inner selves. Let me leave you with a passage from C Baxter Kruger. I think it conveys something of that thing I longed for as a teenager: [Discovering] ourselves as accepted in Christ begins to free us to be ourselves. It eats away at the root cause of our hiding -- fear of exposure. We begin to be free to be real, to drop our guards and take off our masks. Church begins to breathe "grace," because everyone in church is there on the same terms. They are there because they are failures, and because they know to the roots of their beings that they are failures, and they have heard the good Word of Christ that they are accepted as failures in Jesus Christ, received as sinners. So there is no reason to hide and pretend. The ground of our acceptance is not in us; it is in Jesus. There is no reason to put on some kind of persona. Then, a wonderful thing begins to happen. It is called, in the New Testament, fellowship. The fellowship of the church is not a holy fellowship of good people. It is a fellowship of amazed sinners. It is a fellowship of people who have come to the end of themselves and religion, who know that they cannot make themselves right with God, who know they have failed, and who have discovered that while they were yet sinners, God reconciled them -- He made them right with Himself in Jesus. And this knowledge generates the freedom to be ourselves and to expose ourselves. The door to real fellowship opens when the forgiveness of God taking root in one sinner's bleeding soul, and the forgiveness of God taking root in another's bleeding soul, meet in the spirit of acceptance. There is no condemnation. Christian fellowship is produced in the mutual awareness of God's amazing grace. And in the atmosphere of the celebration of forgiveness and hope, there is an opportunity, maybe for the first time, to begin to deal with one another. The freedom to come out of our hiding and be ourselves creates an opportunity to find some real healing in our brokenness and some real changes in our lives. For, at last, we have the confidence to be known and the hope that there are real solutions. from The Parable of the Dancing God Dave 7:51:02 PM    comment [] Here's where I go for my online kicks It's been a busy week, and I feel I owe loyal readers something to chew on. After all, with time on my hands, I managed an entry -- sometimes several -- per day, but now I'm back at work, I'm rather afraid I'm starving some poor souls. I confess, I have writer's block. It's amazing how much easier it is to write when you have so much time to think. In lieu of some incredibly profound thoughts (maybe something really spiritual will come to me during the Eucharist tomorrow), let me recommend a few websites I frequent. My most frequented site by far is the Xn Forums. It was there I showed up as a battered, bruised and tired evangelical about three years ago, and it was there that I discovered to my astonishment that there were other people in the world on the same journey that I was on. You'll find a lot of bickering there between the "fundies" and the liberals, but you'll also find a gentler side. It was a place I found healing, encouragement, and where I made many friends I hope will stay friends for life. If you're a film buff like me, you might want to check out the Promontory Arts Forum, a haven for Christian fans of films, where you'll be able to read and participate in discussions on faith and cinema. I am a sporadic poster there these days, but a frequent lurker. One of my pet hates is urban myths and legends. These stories -- usually claiming to be genuine anecdotes about "a friend of a friend" -- are repeated with such ease, especially in this Internet age, but are spotted a mile off once you know the telltale signs. That's why I check out Snopes every once in a while, a veritable mine of information where you can sort out fact from fiction whenever you hear those quirky tales and bizarre rumours. If you're interested in language, as I am, drop by Ask a Linguist. I discovered this site only recently. You can post a question about language, and any of several linguists and scholars worldwide will post a response. A more user-friendly linguistic resource is the website of William Z Shetter, who posts mini-essays about every dimension of language entitled, "Language Miniatures". Frequently entertaining and fascinating. Every once in a while, I'll pop in to see magician and skeptic James Randi. Mr Randi makes a living debunking frauds and hoaxsters in the world of the paranormal. He updates once a month, and it's always fun to read. Oh, and since joining blogdom, I've found a few really neat blogs I like, too. One of the most popular blogs on the net is Real Live Preacher. The Preacher is a gifted storyteller, and his writing breathes honesty and grace. If you like to keep life real, visit him sometime. Dave 4:50:14 PM    comment []

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