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22 July 2004
 

Epilogue: Pre-empting objections to "My story"

Having made public a lengthy account of my journey through the charismatic movement, I know some will find cause for complaint.

I've chosen to do this blog anonymously because if I'm going to be honest about where I've come from, what I've experienced, and what I really think of it, it's only wise to protect my own identity and the identity of the myriad nameless faces who pop up from time to time in stories and tales I share. I already made the mistake one time of publishing some recollections online under my own name, and they were thoughts that were better kept anonymous.

Of the very small handful of people reading this blog who know my identity, a potential objection I foresee is that some of the things I recall are not as they remember them. And to that, I say it's fair enough that they interpreted things differently. It is inevitable -- and I mean literally unavoidable -- that any account of events be filtered and relayed through a particular lens of interpretation, so I make no apologies for having a bias. And by that I mean not that I have some raging anti-charismatic bias, or some radical liberal bias or some cut-and-dry religio-political bias, but simply an I'm-Dave-and-I-inhabit-Dave's-thought-world kind of bias. I recount things the way I saw them, and I've done so to the best of my ability with honesty and integrity.

Secondly, it is inevitable that some will interpret the account as the result of bitterness, anger, unforgiveness or all manner of negative emotions supposedly eating away at me like a cancer. Some will not be able to help seeing my every word dripping with sarcasm, mockery, spitefulness or anger. This, in my experience, is the response of the uncritical insiders, the defensive and the insecure. My response is that, frankly, such things are in the eye of the beholder.

Thirdly, some will feel I have unfairly broadbrushed charismatics. I have sympathy with this, honestly I do. It is so hard to write an account like this without at times unwittingly lumping together the good with the bad. So I do want to add something of a disclaimer. Not all charismatics are simply miniature copies of the portrait I painted of the charismatic movement as a whole. I know not all charismatics are health-and-wealth, and many baulk at that crap just as I do. I know not every charismatic accepted or accepts the Toronto Blessing and the whole network of craziness that comes with it. I know lots of folk identify themselves as charismatic, and yet can be as critical of the movement as I am. The reason I decided to stop calling myself a charismatic was not because I no longer believed in the Holy Spirit or because I thought we should disregard things like tongues and prophecy, but because of the direction and ethos of the movement as a whole. It was a world that, despite the presence of good individuals, had as a whole become a circus, and it had become increasingly difficult to remain inside without jumping into the ring and joining in the games. Relating those thoughts unavoidably means talking about "the charismatic movement" in somewhat more monolithic terms than the real-life complexities perhaps deserve. Call that a limitation of the medium of writing, a sad commentary on the limitations of my own writing talents or what you will.

Lastly, bear in mind this account was written over eighteen months ago, if not two years. I edited a few things for the blog, but it remains essentially unchanged. Much of the way I expressed my feelings was unique to that particular period in my life, and I'm sure if I put pen to paper to write the story all over again, things might be expressed a lot differently. For example, my journey out of the charismatic movement, the overarching story of my faith-journey at that time, is now just one subplot of a wider narrative that involves a journey away from fundamentalism, from conservatism, from evangelicalism. Someday I'll let you have the whole story.

And one more disclaimer: The story is never finished.

Dave


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