Math Broken
Posted by Chris 2:03:02 PM    

My tendency is to avoid mistake-intolerant occupations, like mathematics and testicular cancer research, and approach life with the carefree joie de vivre of computational slop. There are people way smarter than me working on both mathematics and testicular oncology, producing market-ready products and services like the X-Box and saving my testicles. Therefore, I can stay curled up in my own ball of ignorance like a baby bunny fetus curled up with its eighteen brethren inside the mommy bunny's womb.

The razor-thin margin of error afforded to statisticians is a four-lane blacktop highway to Semi-Inquartile Range City, compared to the wiggle room we allow testicle doctors, who have to unwind with bourbon shots and hydrocodone tabs after a long day of suppressing the urge to shield their own groins with their hands in reflexive empathy. All statisticians have to do to maintain their fancy, mortarboard-wearing air of professionalism is tell you exactly how wrong they might be after tendering their results, i.e., "Margin of sampling error plus or minus three points."

A recent Salon article had this to say w/r/t moderate Republicans supporting the candidacy of John Kerry:

So if moderates are disenchanted, why isn't that showing up in the polls? In part, it's because moderate Republicans as a whole are a rapidly diminishing species in most of the country. According to Zogby, 80 percent of Republicans self-identify as conservative. Asked about the role of moderates in the party, Rick Shaftan, a conservative Republican pollster in New Jersey, says: "It's not that many individuals you're talking about in terms of votes." (emphasis added by me)

Sweet fancy Moses. If we allow that the old, analog Standard Deviation hasn't been replaced by a corrupted new Diebold-manufactured Standard Deviation, the only reasonable conclusion is that the word "Conservative" can mean anything you want it to, like the entire Bible, or all the lyrics ever recorded by New Wave band The Fixx.

There's just no way that eighty percent of Republicans sincerely believe in euthanizing koala bears or forcing toddlers into death-match pit-fighting, or whatever crazy deal they're cooking up at the National Center for Public Policy Research. Like, according to Zogby -- and assuming you're counting by Ann Coulters -- eight out of any random grouping of ten Republicans are considering methods of cooking and eating your kidneys. Although if the remaining two Republicans are Log Cabin Republicans, you can make your escape while the majority noisily devours them.

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