Sunday, July 18, 2004

This Day Today was a perfect family day. We went to the Huntington Gardens with Dido, met some friends and their little boy and the wife's parents there, and my mom showed up to meet us. We had the best hamburgers in L.A. for lunch (pie, too,) and then came home for long, long naps. The only downside was that today, I was supposed to go to the Jung Institute's memorial for my shrink. I wasn't feeling all that well when we got home (too much hamburger? too many sours last night?) and we got back so late that I would have been at least a half an hour late to the memorial. So I stayed home instead. I rationalized that, as the H pointed out, I already attended her funeral, and I've been memorializing her in my own ways for months now. Maybe it's time for me to just say goodbye, or at least, let go. I don't know that I know how to do that. But as I was lying in bed after my nap, alone because H had already awoken from his, I thought about Barbara, and what (many things) she gave me. As I was lying there, I started imagining a story, writing opening lines in my head, trying to see it through to who the characters are, and where they take the plot. I do this all the time. Really, all the time. But I never follow through. I almost never even write the pieces down, and even when I do that, I don't do anything with it. I don't keep writing it, keep creating. This probably sounds arrogant, but as my memorial to her, instead of just lying there, thinking "Hey, that could be a cool story--but I'll never do anything with it. No point...."--I got some paper, and I wrote it down. This is something she pushed me to do--she was so excited the day I brought in my little Moleskine journal, where I do occasionally manage to jot down the revelations and story fragments that churn through my head every day. I was like a kid with a new toy showing off this tiny piece of personal growth, and she was right there with me, enthusiastic, even laughing, and to make her laugh was such a gift and acheivement. So, today, as my thank you to Barbara, I started a story. Who knows? Maybe I'll find the rest of it, and maybe I'll write it down. In truth, I don't think I'd have this blog if it weren't for her influence. Not much more to say. This was a good day. 11:08:44 PM     comment [] trackback []