Math related paralysis.
Besides creating my very first mid-term ever, trying to figure out the salient points of world systems theory and the essential bits of postcolonial thought--to teach to the young minds, I am also in the process of applying for huge grants for Phd studies next year.
The applications for these do-dads are enormous, meticulous, Kafkaesque in their non-sensical gibberish. More than that, they give the applicant a teeny amount of space...sometimes as little as 350 words, to outline what your research plan is. My graduate chair is pushing for me to be nominated by my university to apply for a scholarship that is given to only 15 people in all of Canada-land per year. It's good for $200 000 over four years. To be clear, I am a student, well, a teacher now, but I make less now than I did last year with my Teaching Assistantship and scholarships combined. 200 000 dollars, divided by 350 words in application. This means that every word is potentially worth $571.48.
Do you know how hard it is to write something when you have done that sort of horrendous mathmatics? Each time my fingers approach the keyboard, they lock up. I try to outline the theoretical underpinnings of what I plan to do....nothing comes out. The methodology I plan to use...nothing again. I am paralysed by the possible importance of what I am to write.
eep.
9:49:19 PM 
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