Gay Porn, Floods, Crutches, Dog Hair, and Pediatricians for the Elderly: An update
I have a really tight group of friends that I've had since highschool. We were uncool drama geeks in high school, and we've remained close despite the fact that we are scattered all over my province in Canada-land. To bridge the distance, and to keep everyone in the loop, we began, several years ago, to update each other, once a week...the important and the trivial things that have made up our lives. I am toying with the idea of blogging (damn I hate that word) our updates, as it brings and interesting glimpse into my life and theirs...until I decide that...I can publish in good conscience my own updates...this one, I sent today. I've tried to ensure privacy, mine and theirs...but reveal that heretofore mentioned Third World Country is actually Guyana, South America.
Hi Everyone,
It's update time. I'll apologize in advance for the length of the
email...you might want to print it off, light your scented candles,
pull out your fanciest bath salts, dim the lights and slip into a bath
with it. I DO NOT recommend taking the computer into the tub with
you. Hell, if that doesn't float your boat, slip into the bath
anyhow...we all deserve a little "alone time" now and again.
Where to begin? From Wednesday night to yesterday afternoon, I
house/dog sat for my brother and sister in law. Their house is chock
full of dog hair. It was sneezy fun. I spent the whole time in a
state of abject sloth; you see, they have TWO satellite dishes, one
for the big screen in the basement, and another for the bedroom
upstairs. Heaven forbid they have to talk to one another at any point
in time. For a poor gal without even basic cable...the weekend wasa
bonanza of take-out Chinese food and too much T.V.
The satellite dish in their basement is illegal, so you can watch all
the pay per view stuff for free. I spent a bit of time watching gay
male porn. It was...informative...and uncomfortable looking. But I
did learn some things. For instance: if two guys meet each other in a
bar, and they are attracted to each other, they should double team the
shirtless bartender (i know he was a bartender because he kept wiping
the bar in a suggestive fashion with a towel) on a giant spider web made of leather and chains. Who said true love was dead?
(Note: I refrained from mixing the eating of the take out Chinese food
with the watching of the gay porn...makes the idea of 'dry garlic
ribs' too icky)
In other news, Guyana is underwater. There is a flood of ridiculous
proportions going on (did I write about this already?). Mom and Dad
are fine, dad had the foresight to build up the land before building
the house. For other folks, the situation is pretty bleak. Georgetown
is actually below sea level, though on the coast. Damn the Dutch
colonisers and their dykes. (get it, it's irrigation system
humour...ha.) Mom runs the [well known charity] fund in Guyana, and has been given a whole 100 000 dollars with which to fix the country. That amount MIGHT be able to run current flood relief for about a day or two.
It's pretty bad. People are being forced out of their homes. My
grandmother's house, which is on stilts, has been hit as well. The
water in her yard is up to about the third step of the house. Stay
tuned for reports of cholera, dysentary and other fun diseases of poor
infrastructure and standing water.
Speaking of the Grandmother, she's in the hospital. Actually, she's
due to be released today. She's alright. She has this old fashioned
belief that if it is raining (which it has been doing since December),
it is therefore VERY cold. The remedy to this coldness is to limit
drinking liquids (which make you cold) and bundle up in as many
clothes as possible. She became dehydrated in no time. The nurse,
who goes to the house twice a day to give her her shots for her
diabetes, assumed she had a fever, but instead of giving her Tylenol,
the nurse gave her Tylenol Cold and Sinus...for nighttime. The woman
slept for two days straight more or less, and she didn't spend her
waking hours taking in any liquid. Long story short, Mom and Dad saw
her, recognized she was dehydrated, pumped her full of liquids, and
then on the advice of their close friend, who is a doctor, admitted
her to the hospital for observation for several days (to make sure her
diabetes, blood pressure didn't get out of control, and because it was
easier to monitor her there than in her house which was difficult to
access). She's fine--but did I mention that their doctor friend is a
pediatrician...so she was admitted into the pediatrics ward...and
she's 85?
Also, in bizarre health news, Dad is on crutches--due to a mysterious
pain in one leg which has been recurring since New Years Day--which
probably would have been fixed with a couple of days of bedrest.
Instead of bedrest, Dad decided to oversee the building of a giant
factory for a friend of theirs. (did I mention that he has no
training in this, that he is a banker with half a degree in physics?)
This means running up and down ladders on a construction site for
hours a day...so, at least he's not stubborn. He's totally aggravated
whatever hurt his knee to begin with, and so now he's a grumpy giant
with wooden crutches. At least he can use them as oars/flotation
devices if he falls down.
So that's about it...as for me--I am still looking for a second J-O-B...I
have come to the horrifying conclusion that if I want an interview for
any of the low-stress clerical/admin jobs that I am looking for, I'll
probably have to lie and say that I do not have an MA. So...that's
time and money well spent.
I miss and love you all.
~Pred
7:54:18 PM 
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