Why Your Wife Won't Have Sex With You

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	Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Go Here. Read This.

Dear Retail Fashion Industry,

An excerpt:

And put a whole pocket on, because I cut open the skort pockets, and seriously, I can get exactly one finger into that pocket, up to the first knuckle. What damn good, exactly, if I may ask, is a pocket that size? What is it that you envision me storing in a pocketillo such as this -- a Canadian dime? A fingernail clipping? A sunflower seed? Wait, scratch that -- "a shelled sunflower seed"? "Hey, has anyone got an eyelash I can borrow?" "I do, right in this here handy-dandy nanopocket!" …No. Hit me with a four-by-four. Paper money, MetroCard, maybe a lighter or some gum, that's what goes in a pocket, not trace evidence.

4:54:26 PM

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Sandra, Sandra, Sandra....

Maybe she's trying to blot out the embarrassing beauty queen imagery of Miss Congeniality 2?

They're blotted, Miss Bullock. You have amply demonstrated that you will not lower yourself to achieving mere surface glamour. You want to tell us that you don't care about the silly tradition of showing respect for the function and the fans by making an Appearance. We get it.

Now either hire a stylist or shoot the one you've got.

4:36:43 PM

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