Inaugural Suckhole
We are four weeks from Inauguration Day. It is a curious day in the nation’s capitol. As a transplant to DC, I can tell you that the day is nothing like what you see on TV. On television you see a speech from the steps of the Capitol Building with an adoring crowd and a sea of people stretched out on the Mall. Then there is a parade from the Capitol to the White House. That’s just ducky. If you live here this is what really happens.
For about a month you see construction around the Capitol and Pennsylvania Avenue. Grandstands are going up, fences and scaffolding appear. Inside the Capitol there is a mad scramble for tickets. Each office of the House and Senate gets an allotment. The Representative or Senator doles out tickets to key campaign contributors and family and friends. Constituents from their home state can call in and request tickets. You will usually get them. This allows you to get onto the middle of the mall about 5-7 blocks from the actual event and view the ceremony on a giant fuzzy television…in the January cold. Lucky you. In all seriousness, you’ll be so far away that binoculars won’t help much.
Then the parade starts and heads down Pennsylvania Avenue back to the White House. (Small trivia note. The Treasury Building is right beside the White House. Rumor has it that it was built there intentionally to obscure the view of the Capitol from the White House.) Once the President passes into a more secure area in front of the Treasury Building, he gets out of the limousine and walks in front of the grand stands at Lafayette Park. It’s very spontaneous. All the networks are already set up at the exact point that the president decides to get out and wave to “the people.” These people are usually contributors who got good tickets.
Then in the evening the parties start. The President’s motorcade closes nearly every street in the city while he goes from Ballroom to Ballroom at the Hotels. Contributors have paid anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000 per ticket for some of the Inaugural parties. Where I work, we paid $50,000 for five executives and their spouses to get into one party. It is expected that most organizations in Washington will do this. If you do not, it is noted and you will pay in some other way.
If you live here, it gets even better.
First off the government employees all get to take the day off. That’s great because the traffic will be less and the Metro (subway) will be less crowded too. The problem is that a lot of roads will be closed and so even with less traffic, everything will still be jammed up. The same goes for the Metro. They will go to a “holiday” schedule and there will be less trains and everyone will be stacked on top of each other anyway.
Because the day is a mess, some businesses will close. But the whole thing will be random. You won’t be able to guess who is likely to stay open and who won’t. And you will be stumbling over tourists everywhere who assume that they will be able to get close enough to see the ceremony. Fat chance. No significant contribution? No dice.
I guess I shouldn’t complain. Washington is a beautiful city and it is cool to live in a place that makes history on a daily basis. But if you feel disconnected from the powerful elite in your corner of America, try living right on top of it and viewing the exclusion first hand.
11:56:29 PM 
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