Dear George,
Sometimes I wonder. All these people prattling on about prisoner abuse and Abu Gharaib overlook a very salient point. We are teaching Iraq democracy by example. Part of this lesson is that no free society can by soft on crime. Democracy rests on a bedrock of law and order.
Remind your critics that everything that is happening is squeaky-clean legal. According to a Justice Department memo to your counsel Alberto R. Gonzales, all that hurts is not torture. The memo emphatically states, “Physical pain amounting to torture must be equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death.”
Let’s take the Gonzales test. Get a ball-peen hammer. Put the first joint of your forefinger on a hard surface with the nail pointing to the ceiling. Now bring the hammer down on the nail with all the force you can muster. It hurts like hell but it ain’t torture. Losing a fingernail is not the same as organ failure. No bodily functions are impaired except picking your nose. And is sure isn’t going to kill you.
Keep the ball-peen hammer in the oval office. The next time someone complains about prisoner treatment, tell them to put the first joint of their forefinger on your desk with the nail pointing towards the ceiling. When they stop screaming, remind them that barbarity is freedom’s bulwark.
Yours in Christ,
Belacqua Jones
7:48:09 AM 
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