Dear George,
Shrinks use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) to diagnose whackos. The DSM-IV-TR is to the 21st Century what the Malleus Malefactorum was to the 15th Century. The Inquisition used the Malleus to diagnose witches. Both volumes marginalized thought and behavior that did not conform to the traditional values of their respective societies.
I think we’re on to something, here, George. It’s a simple rule: what you can’t corporatize, pathologize.
The Commies understood this. Their logic was stark in its simplicity. We have the perfect society, they said. You’d have to be crazy not to love it. Whammo! Let a dissident raise his ugly head and it was off to the psycho ward.
Perhaps it’s time to reopen all those state hospitals we closed. I mean, Christ, George, as a society the Commies sucked shit compared to us! They didn’t have Prozac, or Botox, or plasma TVs, I-pods, or digital cable. I mean, my God, they didn’t even have catalogs or a Starbucks!
We are about as perfect as a society can get. Someone really has to be crazy not to love it. So-o-o, we round up all the whiners and the naysayers and the critics, we diagnose them as suffering from Affective Consumption Maladjustment Disorder, shoot them full of tranquilizers and lock them in a ward where they are strapped to a chair in front of a television 24/7 until they manifest an overwhelming desire to spend, spend, spend.
A few more years in a half-way house and they can be returned to society happy and well-adjusted.
Who needs a police state when we’ve got toys?
Keep humping those traditional values, George.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:35:35 AM 
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