Dear George,
I’m getting a little concerned about your safety during the convention. We lost one Savior; we sure don’t want to lose another. And while I love and admire you, I’m not sure you could make it back in three days.
Granted, the Manhattan Green Zone is brilliant in its planning and execution. But given the increased terrorist threat, I’m not sure it will be enough. I know, I know, it’s all theatrics, but you don’t want to appear reckless to your admirers.
I think a lot of problems could be solved if the convention were transferred to the flight deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln as it cruises the coastal waters off Antarctica.
I see several advantages here. First, you could keep the press at bay. Put them on a flotilla of destroyer escorts and believe me they’ll be too busy puking their guts out to ask any embarrassing questions.
Second, giving your acceptance speech in your flight suit would reinforce your image our Warrior-Chieftain. Check with Rove and see if he thinks another landing would play well.
Third, you’d have a captive audience of sailors, who would have two options: cheering or a court martial. This would add to the din created by the delegates who would be spread across the surface of the flight deck clad in their cold weather gear. (Frost bite is a small price to pay for freedom.)
But the biggest plus is that it would solve the protestor problem. The last thing you, as our great unifier, need is a half-million lefties screaming invectives. I mean, what are they going to do, row out to the carrier? Should some be foolish enough to try it, it would be easy enough to mistake them for bogeys and blow them out of the water. Now there’s a great photo op—body parts flying through the air.
Kick it around with Rove and Cheney. Such a move might even entice the networks to give you gavel-to-gavel coverage. The possibility of exploding protestors would give the proceeding a heightened air of suspense—reality TV gone ape-shit.
Stay the course.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:13:49 AM 
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