Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Dear George,       This is going to be a tough one to spin.  Let me see if I have my facts straight.  Pakistani intelligence arrested an al Qaeda suspect, Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan. The Pakistanis turned him; he became a double agent.  Thus we had that most valuable of assets—a mole deep in the ranks of al Qaeda, a mole the Pakistanis felt could well lead to the capture of Bin Laden.   All is going smoothly.  Then your guys out him to justify your latest Orange+ alert, and the whole operation goes to hell in a handbag.   George, your administrations does make a spin doctor’s life a challenging one. (Quick note,  here: it’s no longer “spin doctor”, it’s Expectations Manager).   Okay, the first thing you’ve got to do is get the Pakistanis by the balls and twist ‘til they holler, “Allah”.  Then they issue a statement, written by Rummy, saying there is not now, nor was there ever, nor will there ever be a mole buried in the ranks of al Qaeda.  Flat denial; it works every time.   Just a suggestion, George.   Slap your Keystone Kops into line.  I mean we’re trying to scare the public so shitless they’ll dig up their septic tanks, plant landmines, and vote for you.  It’s hard to do that when your staff keeps staging improv comedy routines.   Remember, you’re The Duke reincarnated. Act like it!   Your admirer, Belacqua Jones 7:13:15 AM    comment []

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