Dear George,
It is my duty as a citizen and as a loyal admirer to warn you that a black cloud lurks just below the horizon. No, its not terrorism, though its destructiveness and potential for social disruption exceeds anything the terrorists could do to us. It’s a disaster whose seeds were planted twenty years ago with the passage of the Rockefeller Drug Laws and its clones.
George, we currently have two million males of African persuasion in prison, all because they were caught with tiny amounts of an illegal substance on their persons, Being charitable, we could say that these laws bordered on over reaction. And probably the majority of the two million didn’t deserve jail time. But the bare fact is that they were incarcerated and that for the past twenty years they have been serving apprenticeships in criminality.
George, we are about to turn two million trained criminals lose on the streets of our country. Imagine, if you would, the trauma, the economic upheaval, the instability this will cause. It would be near fatal blow to the values and freedoms that are the backbone of our fair country.
As a society, we have a right to defend ourselves.
Therefore, we are faced with a situation that calls for a final resolution.
Some of the wimpier members of your staff may be reluctant, fearing a public outcry were this policy implemented. Who, they may ask, would be willing to execute such a resolution. Remind them that with the media in your back pocket there will be no outcry, especially if you move during the premier of a new “Survivor” series. As for recruiting personnel to implement the policy—not a problem!
The Nazis faced a similar dilemma with their final resolution. They tried to keep it in-house, but they just couldn’t get the numbers. They realized they would have to get the civil service and industry involved if they were to meet their goals and objectives. They were apprehensive about the response they would meet—would it be moral outrage? They called a conference at Wansee with industry and the civil service to present their plan.
The enthusiastic reception exceeded their wildest expectations.
Wansee taught them a valuable lesson. Bureaucrats/Technicians (the terms are interchangeable), whether private or public (the terms are interchangeable) fall into two types. Type A is the arrested adolescent who spends most of his time trying to figure out how to get laid. Type B is the parochial school graduate for whom hell is defined as anything that is not micro-regulated. Both are bored stiff. Type A calls it boredom; Type B, stability.
For both, state-sponsored slaughter is the ultimate rush. It’s better than sex. Especially if they don’t have to see any dead bodies. (Himmler visited one camp, puked all over his boots and never went back). It’s the thrill of going for a total wipe-out, better, even, then video games.
Now, when it comes to implementing the policy, we can learn from the mistakes the Nazis made. Even though their operation was efficient, it was crude. In an age of instant communications and a 24/7 news cycle you don’t want police roundups and cattle cars crammed with clients. We learned our lesson about visuals with Abu Ghraib.
Here is what you’re going to do. In the waste lands of Arizona you are going to build a series of Job Training Centers. Their purpose will be to make sure that every inmate who is released is fully trained to become a productive member of society. Offer to cut sentences at the end of the training as an incentive.
Fly them out first class. Throw a party on opening night with plenty of good eats and kegs of Colt 45, liberally laced with arsenic. It will say much for our values if they are able to go out as happy consumers.
As for disposal, forget the crematoriums. They produce too much pollution. We want an environmentally friendly operation. Disposal will be accomplished through “green” burials. Dig a trench and dump them in. No worries about embalming fluids polluting the water table.
Do a cost-benefit analysis and the need for the final resolution is made manifests. Figure each unit faces an additional incarceration of 10 years and a cost of $100,000 per year, per unit times two million units gives us a total cost of TWO HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS! Do you know how many Tomahawk missiles that would buy? On the other hand, assume a total resolution cost of, say, two billion dollars. That works out to a paltry $1,000 per unit. Do the math, George!
You have a golden opportunity, here, the true test of your firm hand on the helm of the ship of state, guiding our people into the harbor of safety and security. And you’ll, by God, show the world that this is a country that is not soft on crime.
Bring ‘em on, George.
Your admirer
Belacqua Jones
8:26:28 AM 
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