Dear George,
Leave it to the Greeks, those founders of democracy, to point the way to the future. They have, in a stroke of brilliance, shown us what to do with our dissent.
Did you know that if you attempt to enter an Olympic venue with a Burger King Whopper or a Pepsi, it will be confiscated? Did you know that if you wear a t-shirt bearing the logo of a company that is not an official Olympic sponsor you will be forced to turn it inside out before entering? (Ladies, wear a bra unless you want to be really embarrassed).
All of this is the result of a stroke of genius known as the “clean venue policy”,drawn up by the IOC and the Greeks. This policy aims to protect sponsors from “ambush marketing.” Only the products of official sponsors will be allowed in the venues to eliminate the danger of non-sponsor products getting their split-second of fame before the television cameras.
“Ambush marketing”—the phrase has a magical ring to it.
Imagine, George, if you were to announce the creation of a “Clean Venue Policy Initiative” designed to protect our country against “ambush marketers” who would fragment our national unity. It’s the constitutional way to crush dissent. After all, free speech is preserved. All were saying is that we don’t want anyone marketing views not reflective of our traditional values. The beauty is that if you put anything in terms of marketing or consumption it sells..
Kick it around with your boys and see if you can run with it.
Remember, Christian purity is to national unity as crust is to apple pie.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:13:12 AM 
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