Dear George,
It’s time to tackle health care, that albatross hanging from our country’s neck. The costs just keep going up. And as they keep going up the public starts whining about the uninsured and all the liberals keep coming up with budget-busting schemes to provide universal coverage.
This is a time when leadership proves its mettle with bold and decisive action.
The reason health care has become such a problem is that people are living too damn long. And the longer they live, the sicker they get. The sicker they get, the more of a drain on the economy they become. It would be a sorry day for America if our Medicare and Medicaid expenses crippled our efforts to democratize the world. Now is when you, as our president, must take a step back, look at the big picture and decide what is best for America.
The truth is, George, that there is but one way we can bring heath care costs down. We must reposition death. Do a cost-benefit analysis. The per-unit cost of a death is much lower than the per-unit cost of prolonged health car for a chronic condition brought on by longevity.
Your message to America must be that the most spiritual thing we do is to die. The problem is that it’s so goddamn spiritual we want nothing to do with it. This is where a massive reeducation campaign comes in. Drive home the point that no matter what level of medical care is available, we die anyway. Why not avoid all the pain and inconvenience involved in many medical procedures and simple drift off to never-never land. Would not the cancer patient live a fuller life without the trauma of chemotherapy, or the heart patient without the pain and recovery involved in open heart surgery? As for the pain that often accompanies a lingering death, no problem. The federal government pledges to keep all those who choose death stoned on morphine until their departure.
To make death more appealing you could imply that heaven is a big theme park in the sky. Tie death in with the Rapture. Death is proof positive that you are among the chosen. If people are still anxious about dying, put them on Prozac. Don’t worry if this makes them homicidal or suicidal. Both suicide and homicide are efficient methods for cutting health costs.
By putting a positive spin on death, we would be freeing up precious dollars that could be used for the important job of expanding American interests overseas, making those who die brave soldiers in the crusade to bring to fruition The American Century.
Your Admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:54:40 AM 
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