Editor’s Note: The gnome dropped off another letter last night.
Dear George,
I’m worried. Satan’s minions have acid indigestion. There’s a bloating across the land that could upset your reign if it’s not neutralized. The demonstration planned for New York City should not have been allowed to happen. Tell Ashcroft he simply has to tighten the thumbscrews on the Constitution. You have the cover—the War on Terror. Now all we need is some creative thinking premised on, “a new world since 9/11.” That statement is the lubricant that will grease the skids of total control.
Here’s what you’re got to do, George: Reposition freedom. Emphasize that freedom is a threat to our national security; it is responsible for the undermining of our traditional values. The only thing freedom has done for the country is to give us gays, porn, drugs and terrorists. Freedom is a millstone around our collective necks threatening our very way of life. Have Rove come up with a series of thirty-second TV spots driving this point home. As soon as freedom drops to forty-six points in the polls, you’re ready to make your move. Ratchet the terror threat up to Code Red, declare Marshall Law, and by Executive Order "suspend" the Bill of Rights, being sure to reassure the public that the suspension is only temporary until the War on Terror is finally won.
Have Rove ready with another set of spots featuring Harry and Louise, an elderly middle-age, middle-American couple getting ready for bed and waxing eloquent about how much better they’ll sleep now that the rabid dogs of freedom have been leashed and kenneled.
Freedom is our national “ring around the collar”; it's high time we scrubbed it clean.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:09:05 AM 
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