Editor’s Note: This morning I found a battered package on my porch, with no return address and the postage a collection of one and two-cent stamps. At first I was tempted to call the bomb squad. Then I figured the package must be from Belacqua. Inside I found his letter written of bloodied shreds of fabric that was once a T-shirt with the remnants of an anti-Bush slogan on it. It appears Belacqua had torn the shirt from a protester’s back during one of the demonstrations. Our boy must be in Manhattan!
Dear George,
I hate to do this big guy, but I gotta run some history past you. I’ll try to make it as painless as possible.
The sages of yore discovered that one of the more viable instruments of social control was indebtedness. Keep the masses in hock, and they remain pliable. If you don’t believe me, look at the number of revolutions that have been started by the children of the rich. If you’re too poor to piss, you don’t have the energy to revolt.
This methodology was refined in the days following the Civil War. It began with the mining industry and their company towns. Every company town had a company store where workers could buy on credit. This was picked up by plantation owners when they kicked off the sharecropping program. There you had the “forward” when the owner would give the sharecropper a mule, a plow and some seed, followed by the “settle” when the sharecropper would repay the owner with a portion of his crops. In both cases the owners cooked the books keeping worker and sharecropper in perpetual debt. This way, if some poor soul became fed up with his miserable working conditions and tried to split, the owner could get the sheriff after him for nonpayment of debt.
George, you are going to pick up on this system and infuse it with your genius.
Our country, in its wisdom, has already made some significant inroads. America is beginning to groan under a load of consumer debt. The problem is that it’s private. It is also fragmented among thousands of banks. Normally, the private sector takes priority. But this is one area where there would be significant advantages to centralizing debt under a federal umbrella. Let me explain.
You have a vision of an “ownership society.” A component of this initiative would be a bill you would call “The Freedom of Consumption Act.” Explain that the purpose of this act is to democratize consumption. In a country as rich as ours there is no reason every poor person shouldn’t have a Hummer and an HDTV.
Under this act, every person in America would be issued a Universal Credit Card (UCC), at birth. Right away you would have a centralized data bank that would record both buying patterns and locations. In a flash you’d know who was buying leftist literature, who the big spenders at Starbucks were, and where they were located.
The cards would carry an unlimited credit line; they couldn’t be maxed out. Right there, you’re lifting a terrible burden from society’s shoulders. The boost to the economy would be immediate.
The timid might ask about the specter of default. What happens when a family can’t make their monthly payments? This being a humanitarian society, there would be provisions made for periodic debt restructuring and debt forgiveness. Say a family of four—mother, father, son, and daughter—find themselves over their heads. They file an application for debt forgiveness. All they have to do is sign a sheet of paper agreeing to pledge their son to four years of military service. It’s a masterstroke. The family can continue spending, the economy continues to grow and you are guaranteed a steady source of cannon fodder for your ongoing preemptive wars. You can ratchet this up by making debt hereditary. It’s only fair. If wealth can be inherited, why can’t debt?
But what about the elderly? Simple. Seize their property and reduce their circumstances. A rundown abode and poor nutrition will speed their journey to the other shore, thus easing the pressure on what remains of Social Security.
And should some individual or group be foolish enough to protest your policies, you simply call in their loan, which gives some appeal to bringing back debtor’s prisons.
George, America will worship you as their great liberator with the implementation of this initiative. As for me, I ask for nothing except the privilege of serving you.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
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10:31:17 AM 
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