Editor’s Note: Belacqua has landed a job with the Bush campaign registering graveyards in central New Jersey. Because of this, he will be posting letters Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, with the occasional letter posted on weekends.
Dear George,
You are on a mission from God to make straight the crooked paths of wickedness. You, are our Joshua, our Warrior-king who’s purifying lightening will be the scourge of malefactors and deconstructionists.
The first target of your campaign to purge this country of the malignant evil that is rotting our collective soul should be a group of neo-pagan atheists who would make a mockery of Scripture with their subversive belief in primitive animism. I am, of course, talking about the environmentalists.
They are especially dangerous because of the subtlety of their message. They employ a pseudo-aesthetic imagery that brings our souls to the brink of eternal damnation. “Nature is beauty” they tell us; “Nature is our temple.” “The Earth is a living orgasm.” If that isn’t paganism, I don’t know what it. Five-hundred years ago these tree huggers would have been hugging a stake while the Inquisition put a torch to the faggots bundled beneath their Birkenstocks. Of course, in this age of relativistic permissiveness, nary an objection is raised. But under your iron fist this will surely change, and we will all return to the security and comfort of the Absolute.
Now you and I know that the Bible (see Gen. 1: 26-30) gives us the Earth to do with as we damn well please. If we want to fuck it up, that’s our God-given right! And yet, the pagans would have us believe that we’re a derivative species, that we’re “part” of nature, that some Goddamn endangered species of owl should stand between us and the fulfillment of God’s commandment to “be fruitful”. When the Almighty said “be fruitful” he was talking about commercial development. The Mall is the highest expression of Devine Will! It’s in the Bible!
Move swiftly, George, before their contagion spreads. Shut them up and hunt them down. Let them feel the full force of God’s avenging wrath. You are our Moses leading us out of the wilderness of secularism. After you, the Rapture!
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
P.S. I recently sent you a voter registration form for Jebadiah Smyth. There was a slight error in recording the data. His birth date should be January 4th, 1949, instead of January 4th, 1749. Sorry for the mistake. B.J.
5:28:45 AM 
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