Dear George,
Worshipping you has been the great mystical experience of my lifetime. Your complex simplicity is like an onion; each layer as it is peeled away reveals an even greater shallowness than before. Just last night, while pulling on the pipe, with my soul careening through the cosmos, the brilliance of your tepid mind shown forth, and I was enlightened again.
Iraq was about Weapons of Mass Destruction after all, but not in the way most people thought. Of course we knew Sadam had WMDs; Cheney gave them to him back in the 80s when he was our good buddy. The UN weapons inspectors had found them all, had them under lock and key, and were dismantling them.
However, you saw, in your wisdom, that it would be impossible to have an eternal GWOT unless we got those weapons into terrorist hands. So, you kicked the inspectors out and we invaded Iraq.
In we charged determined to rid Sadam of the WMDs the UN inspectors had neutralized. And get rid of them we did. After we took Iraq Rummy sort of forgot to tell our troops where these sites were, leaving them completely unsecured. Lo and behold, the UN has identified over one-hundred sites that were broken into and cleaned out.
All this good nuclear material has vanished and is believed to be in the hands of the terrorists. You kept your promise and got rid of Sadam’s WMDs.
What a boon for your administration. You have taken a cache of nuclear weapons that were neutralized and harmless and have gotten them back into circulation where they will do some real good. You fully understand that nothing would give you absolute wartime powers faster than a dirty bomb going off in Peoria, or Altoona, or some other town nobody ever considered as a potential target. Such a disaster would leave you free to put the torch to the Constitution and get rid of all the democratic nonsense you are forced to endure.
Eternal warfare ushers in eternal power. You’re almost there, George.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
8:58:16 PM 
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