Dear George,
I hear a NASA scientist is complaining that you are muzzling him because he spoke out for an immediate reduction is emissions to combat global warning in a direct violation of your stated policy that increased emissions are essential for our country’s economic health.
Would someone explain to this guy that while you are in the Oval Office, you own NASA, along with every other agency and department? Someone in NASA’s Public Affairs Office got it right when he said that the purpose of anything coming out of NASA was to make you look good. Our civil servants have to understand that you are America, and when they may you look bad, they make America look bad. (By any chance, does this scientist have a wife who works for the CIA? But, I digress.)
There is a bigger issue involved here. The only viable response to warnings about global warming is, “So what!” What’s the big deal if we snuff nature? None of these bleeding heart scientists understands that an antipathy towards nature is hard-wired into our brains.
You find multiple examples of this in the brothers Grimm. Think about it! Did the witch meet Hansel and Gretel at Williams-Somona? Hell, no! She ran into them in the forest. Did the wolf try to pick up Red Riding Hood at the mall? Nope! It was in that pesky forest. Did the huntsman drag Snow White down a dark urban alley to cut her heart out? Once again, it was in to the forest. Nor did Goldilocks rip off the Three Bears in a Cleveland suburb. Do you see a pattern here?
Whenever man confronts a forest, he levels it. He does so, because the forest is the place where evil resides in the damp mottled shadows of the forest floor, and it is man’s destiny to flood this evil with the bright sunlight of salvation.
So tell your scientists to get over their global warming hissy fit. It’s the way things are. All trees do is to give birds a place to sit so they can crap on us. Trees are also dangerous as hell; they’re always falling on houses, cars and people. The world will be a better place when the last tree dies and this evil is scrubbed from the face of the earth.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
8:32:39 PM 
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