Dear George,
I’m glad to see you’re putting it to Evo Morales, the new Socialists president of Bolivia. By cutting 96 percent of his military aid, you are increasing the possibility of a military coup by officers trained at the School of the Americas, which would be another good return on our investment.
The official reason for the cut is that Bolivia failed to ratify a pledge not to extradite US citizens to the International Criminal Court, which we refuse to recognize because it has to do with the law and other stuff that we’re trying to put behind us. Destiny hurls; who dares staunch her stream, and our destiny is to move beyond the law so we may attain a state of grace within the shining light of divine revelation.
The real reason is Morales’ refusal to liquidate the coca crop used to process the cocaine that floods the streets of America. The problem is that the United States is the biggest consumer of drugs in the world. Life here is so perfect people are always looking for ways to make it more perfect. Now, the sensible solution to this problem would be to offer free rehabilitation to any addict who asked for it. Combine that with early education for children and you’d dry up the market.
This would be disastrous! For two reasons.
First, you need a stoned society to buy into your programs. Second, we need a constant influx of drugs flowing into this country to give us an excuse to meddle in the affairs of other countries. This is why me must insist that Bolivia eradicate its crop, even though we really hope they don't so coke keeps pouring over our borders so we can continue to insist that Bolivia eradicate its crop and do all sorts of nasty things to undermine Morales when he refuses to do so. So, be firm, George! Have our ambassador in Bolivia remind Morales what happened to Allende. Those who play in our backyard had goddamn well better play by our rules.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
9:34:37 PM 
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