Dear George,
A truly great foreign policy is one that is touched by madness. It is a head game played by schizoids who forgot to take their meds, for a great foreign policy always ends in conflict, because is easier to rally a nation around dead bodies that around a peace table; and its fun if you’re not the one being shot at.
The more conflict a country can generate the better. Conflict stimulates; it unifies a people; it diverts their attention from the stench of corruption at home; it allows for the suspension of civil liberties and enables a regime to consolidate its power.
That’s why it priculated the cocklets of my heart to see you and Israel teaming up to destroy Hamas by driving them out of power. You plan to do this by starving the Palestinians and putting so much pressure on them they will demand new elections and vote Hamas out of power. This is a manly stand to take and will teach the brown skins a valuable lesson about democracy: When we say democratic elections we mean democratic elections that yield results we can live with.
The beauty of this policy is that it is sure to fail. Middle Easterners refuse to understand that when we apply pressure they are supposed to fold. Instead, they insist on fighting back. The French discovered this when they attempted to hold on to Algeria. Another benefit of this policy is that if we cut aid to Palestine, Iran is sure to step in a fill the void, thus bringing our inevitable war with them just a little bit closer. As we further alienate the Middle East, we are sure to undermine the corrupt regimes we are propping up with the result that fundamentalists’ movements would overthrow them.
Do you see where this is all leading, George? Before long, we’ll be able to declare war on the whole frigging Middle East, conquer it, and have all the oil for ourselves. You see, the trouble with Iraq is that it is war on too small a scale. We gotta go big, George! We need war on a colossal scale with total mobilization and a universal draft that would only exempt future chicken hawks.
Believe me; they’ll greet us as liberators.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
9:36:38 PM 
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