Dear George,
I’m sure you remember times when getting stoned was a real drag. When this happens to me, I like to entertain myself with a really stupid question no one would ever think of asking. It’s fun to sink your teeth into it and chew it this way and that, coming up with all sorts of weird answers and solutions.
This happened to me the other night as I lay there, watching the cosmos slowly turn and turn again, above me and beneath me. Out of nowhere, a stupid question popped into my head: Why do we need the Pentagon?
Think about it big guy! You know all those trenches over there, on the other side of no-mans’ land? They’re all empty. The folks over there decided it too damned expensive to play that silly game, so they packed up their warheads and went home. So, there we sit, like a bunch of damned fools, armed to the teeth as we protect ourselves from empty trenches.
Sure, you are hawking your Global War on Terror. But that’s starting to wear thin as people realize that terrorism is a crime best dealt with by arresting the sons of bitches. You don’t need a large military establishment to do that!
All you’re left with is the Neocon wet dream about us being the world’s lone superpower. Iraq has blown holes in that one, not that it carried much water in the first place. Our standoff with the Soviets was a unique event in world history. Traditionally, when a nation has become too big for its britches, smaller nations band together to form a coalition large enough to beat the big guy's ass. Besides, being powerful plays games with you head. The fastest gun in the West is always paranoid. The Swiss have the right idea; be the slowest gun in the West and make a fortune selling pocketknives.
What we have is the vestigial remnant of a fossil that is eating us out of house and home. I’m surprised your buddies who keep talking about shrinking government don’t start with the Pentagon. Every time I look at that building, I see what could be the world’s largest indoor shopping mall. Then I think of all that land the military has that is just crying out for commercial development.
Hope your palms aren’t getting sweaty reading this. You have nothing to worry about. Nobody, but nobody, will ever ask a question like that. It certainly won’t come from triangulating Democrats, nor will you hear it raised by Progressives. It will never be anything more than a private joke between the two of us, a druggie’s hallucination.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
10:22:01 PM 
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