Dear George,
One of the things I love about politics is the stupidity it generates, especially inside the Beltway. Once a man enters the District of Columbia, he enters a Twilight Zone where his brain sheds half its mass. It’s probably the hubris that retards; once convinced he controls everything, a politician ends up controlling nothing. In the end, it all becomes an exercise in masturbatory rhetoric that is made even more amusing because of the number of people it kills.
Up until now, I’d thought the Democrats had cornered the market on stupidity. So, I was glad to see that the GOP in trying to increase its market share. This is not to say that members of your administration were ever lacking in stupidity, but it’s always been possible to blame that on the Neocons. Now it appears to be spreading to the party establishment.
The great Republican strategy for the midterms is to threaten the American people with your impeachment should the Democrats take control of Congress. Hello! George, this is a little like threatening a man with sex if he talks to a hooker. Your numbers are hugging the bottom of the dumpster and a majority of the American people thinks you should be impeached if you lied us into war. Why encourage them?
I know the GOP has a weak spot for fantasy, but GOP Chairman Ken Mehlman fund raising e-mail pushed the envelope when he wrote, “The Democrats’ plan for 2006? Take the House and Senate and impeach the president. With our country at war, is this the kind of Congress you want?”
To which the American people are likely to reply, “Hell, yes!”
Not to worry! I have a plan that will save all your asses. If you want the midterms to return a GOP Congress, this is what your are going to do. You are going to ask the House to draw up a Bill of Impeachment against you. Tell the American people you are doing this to clear the air once and for all so you can devote you full attention to your Endless War of the Empty Policy.
This would force the Democrats into a corner. They would realize the whole exercise was a farce because there’s no chance in hell a GOP Congress is going to impeach you. No matter how loudly they protested they would still find themselves impaled on the horns of a dilemma. If they voted against impeachment, they’d be hard pressed to push the issue in a Democratically controlled Congress. So, the House approves it; the Senate defeats it. This would effectively inoculate you against any further charges of malfeasance and mendacity. It would also give you leeway to tighten the screws on our crypto-democratic society without any further complaining.
Run the idea past Rove and see what he thinks. But for God sakes, cancel Mehlman’s e-mail account and have the NCS start monitoring his telephone traffic. The man is a danger to the republic.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
10:54:03 PM 
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