Dear George,
I have just discovered a disorder that is the biggest medical breakthrough since the discovery of irritable bowel syndrome. I call it numerusregrediquantusretardare (stress on the “r”). This is a disorder most commonly found among the chief financial officers of large corporations, where the incident per thousand is a shocking 987.
The etiology of this disorder is as follows: The human brain is limited in the volume of numerical calculations it is able to absorb and still function in a socially acceptable manner. Tragically, there is a tipping point when the volume of numbers absorbed exceeds the brain’s capacity to absorb them. Once this point is passed, the synapses begin to short-circuit and numeric comprehension goes into a nosedive.
The most radical change is in the individuals understanding of numbers. Prior to the tipping point, numbers are understood as representational of a concrete reality. Once the saturation point is reached, numbers become reality. This disorder explains why normally sane corporate types ship our manufacturing overseas just so we can turn around and import the finished product thus screwing up our balance of trade. Or, better yet, this also explains the popular superstition that by changing numbers on a spread sheet a corporation can change reality.
I guess this shows the difference between a corporation and an individual. Activity that would get an individual committed or jailed gets a corporation a “buy” recommendation from Wall Street.
I wonder if they smoke the same stuff I do?
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
9:06:28 PM 
|
