Dear George,
In this age of cutthroat global competition, it is essential that the United States be a lean, mean commercial machine. All machines require that their parts be tooled for maximum efficiency. It is no different with people who are the machine parts that make the economy run at optimal torque. It is not enough to eliminate pensions, health care and social services. The engine must be tuned until is performs at maximum productivity.
That is why I want you to introduce a bill that will jumpstart our country’s lagging productivity. George, it is time America went to an eight-day week. Forget the Julian and the Gregorian calendars. America is ready for the Bushian calendar. Here’s how it works: You create a calendar with eleven months of 32 days each. That gives us four eight-day weeks, enabling the labor force to work six days with the weekends off.
Now, you will notice that this gives us a year of 352 days, which would leave us a little out of sync with the sun at year’s end. The solution is simplicity itself, and it gives our productivity a little goose. The remaining thirteen days are the nation’s vacation time. I’m sorry, George, but this bullshit of giving people four or five weeks vacation is downright decadent. This country’s industrial might was built by brave men unafraid of working fourteen hours a day, seven days a week. Their vacation home was their grave. A thirteen-day vacation is more than generous. Call them our National Blank Days.
Such an initiative would cement your place in history. Hell, if Caesar could change his calendar you can change yours, and he didn’t have any nuclear warheads with which to enforce it.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
9:27:06 PM 
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