Dear George,
The most exciting thing about war is not the adrenalin rush of combat; nor is it the euphoric high that comes from killing the other son of a bitch. No, George, the most exciting thing about war is that we become what we fight, just as the warriors of old ate a vanquished enemy’s heart that they might ingest his spirit. This is not like cloning; rather, we absorb a piece of our enemy’s soul in an erotic admixture of attraction and revulsion. When two countries clash, it’s a marriage from Hell.
Look at our history. At the end of the nineteenth century, we were highly critical of imperial Europe, so we went to war to liberate Cuba from Spanish rule and than proceeded to colonize both her and the Philippines. Whereupon we crushed a revolt by the natives with a cruelty that made the Spaniards look like a troop of Girl Scouts.
When FDR took office, he pulled us out of the Depression with an exercise in social engineering unprecedented in our nation’s history. So whom do we go to war with? That master of social engineering, Adolph Hitler.
So it is interesting that right after 9/11, we went to war with the Taliban. What could this mean?
Let’s go to the video tape!
Think back to the nightmare that was the late sixties and early seventies (or look back to what little you remember of it). Who spearheaded all the screaming, hysterical demonstrations? Women did! Who gobbled down birth control pills by the hand full so they could lead the sexual revolution? Women did! Who went bonkers at Kent State over a dead student? A woman did! Who burned their bras? Women did! Who is in the forefront of the battle to kill embryos? Women are! Do you see a pattern here, George? This great country almost went down the tubes because of raging female hormones! Do you see now why the Taliban attracted us even as they repelled us? It is in their spirit that we continue the battle to return women to the pedestal from which they tumbled forty years ago. Let us bring back the hats and the white gloves, the spiked heels and the valium.
Look at all your administration has accomplished. You’ve gone beyond simply packing the judiciary with anti-Roe judges. You are doing your best to lock the women of America in a statutory chastity belt. You are teaching the young women of America that they must keeptheir legs crossed until they have a ring on their finger. You are teaching young men to keep their pecker in their pants and throw away their condoms.
Moreover, you are moving beyond indoctrinating the young. You are striking major blows against the female libido. The FDA recently refused to approve a hormone patch called Instrinsa, which is a feminine Viagra. A wise choice. Viagra is for men, only since we’re the poor bastards who have to get it up. What does a woman need a libido boost for? She can fake it; a man can’t.
Then you listened as the religious right rallied against a vaccine to prevent Human Papillomavirus (HPV), an STD that is the cause of 70 percent of the cervical cancer cases in this country. They opposed its approval by the FDA because a condom will not protect against HPV. This gives them a major talking point against their use. As a spokesman for the Family Research Council put it, “Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex.” O! The horror of it all! Thank God, the FDA did its duty and sent the vaccine back for “more testing.”
The beat goes on, George! We’ve kept the morning after pill under the counter, and refused to fund overseas charities that advocate abortion as well as charities that refuse to advocate abstinence as a way to prevent the spread of AIDS. The decency that tells others how to live their lives is making a comeback, and the world will be a better place to live because of it. It’s all about purity of thought (POT), George.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
9:20:23 PM 
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