Dear George,
Let’s hope the Christians never find Christ. If they do, there will be hell to pay. As it now stands, the Religious Right has Jesus by the balls and they are twisting them until he screams a message far different from the one he sang 2,000years ago.
His original message was too simple: Love God and love your neighbor. He then expanded the definition of neighbor to include our enemies, an unsettling thought at best. That’s it! Not a word about sex. Therefore, if we love God and neighbor, then it’s okay to go out and get laid, because embracing that teaching means that sex ceases to be an ego trip and becomes a celebration of your partner.
This simply won’t do. Is it any wonder the Religious Right got him by the balls? We are a warrior nation that has grown through conquest. Warrior nations abhor sex because sex saps, while violence requires abstinence. Had the 72 virgins come to earth, al Qaeda would never have happened.
These is why Christians become spastic over Janice Jackson’s nipple, but have yet to speak out against Abu Ghraib or Gitmo. The pious man spills blood, not semen. If you want to cut a bloody swath through a third-world people, send a bunch of horny teenagers. I suspect that our trouble in Iraq can be traced back to our coed Army. Too many of our troops are getting laid too often. Send the women home and I promise you, Iraq’s oil will be ours in nothing flat.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
10:04:08 PM 
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