Dear George,
It is impossible to get your facts wrong if you make them up. For example, the next time critics compare your administration to the Titanic, tell them the ship never sank.
After all, is there a single extant photograph of the actual sinking? Of course not! All you have are pen and ink illustrations. No photographs exist because there was nothing to photograph. Point out that the supposed sinking of the Titanic was nothing more than an elaborate publicity stunt staged by the lifeboat lobby in an effort to boost sales, in conjunction with the steamship cartel, who were guaranteed a healthy kickback from the increase in sales.
Whatever evidence of the sinking exists is easily refuted by facts grounded in objective reality. The coffins were empty, the body bags were stuffed with pillows, and all the photographs of “dead victims” were poor souls who died in a diphtheria epidemic that swept Halifax, Nova Scotia in the same year.
What about the wreckage found at the bottom of the Atlantic? There your have a shining example of a half-truth. When World War I began, the Titanic was recommissioned as the HMS Gadarene and was used to hauled war materiel between America and England. The wreckage found on the ocean floor is the remains of the Gadarene sent to the bottom by a German U-boat.
After all, what is reality, George, other than well-packaged pipe dreams cleverly marketed? We’re winning in Iraq, the economy is rock-solid strong, and you care about the poor, all of these are realities set in stone.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
5:13:12 AM 
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