Dear George,
When a ship is sinking, the crew starts jettisoning excess cargo. George, it’s time you did the same. I’ve got your back, Big Guy, and I’ve come up with a sure-fire plan to save the few shards of reputation still clinging to your frame.
Okay, lets drop back ten and take an objective look at your situation. Three-quarters of the nation think you’re a stupid fuck-up. In spite of this, there is a residue of affection for your boyish charm. You are like the teenage son who totals the family car the day after he gets his driver’s license. Do the parents kick him out of the house? Hell, no! They ground the kid for three weeks, and he’s fine. The bottom line is that America is not ready to dump you, just yet.
There is, however, a way to save your butt while giving the GOP a good shot at keeping the White House in 2008.
The cargo you are going to jettison is the Big Dick. However, you are not going to do the dumping. That will be up to the GOP’s congressional delegation.
Have key GOP legislators call in their beltway press doxies for some deep background briefings. They will float stories, rumors and innuendos about how the Big Dick has shamelessly exploited your boyish good nature. Suggest that if he weren’t vice president, he’d be an internet predator stalking young children.
Let the press ripple with rumors that you are becoming increasingly appalled at the man’s evil nature. Let high Republican officials complain, off the record, that the Big Dick has slipped the bonds of decency and is taking the Republican Party places it never wanted to go, places like Iraq, Gitmo, Black Holes, and Abu Ghraib. Blame it all on him. Nobody likes him so it will be an easy sell.
Finally, the GOP House leaders hold a press conference and with tears streaming down their cheeks will announce that for the good of the party and the good of the country they have made the painful decision to draw up a Bill of Impeachment against the Big Dick.
It’s win-win, all the way. There were two major roadblocks to impeachment. First, that if they nailed you, the Big Dick would be president. Second, if they got you both, Pelosi would be president. By impeaching the Big Dick, America gets rid of the scapegoat while she gets to keep her teenage son. This leaves you free to appoint John Bolton as your new vice president. So, nothing changes even as everything appears to change.
Come ’08, when Iraq is still a quagmire and the economy has tanked, the Republican candidate for president can blame it all on the Big Dick while you stand, beaming, at his side.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
4:57:59 AM 
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