Dear George,
Thanks to your heroic efforts, the psychedelic fantasies that were once the sole provenance of America’s stoners are now an integral part of the Beltway mainstream. Nothing is as it appears; shapes twist and change form as the universe splits asunder to let loose the demons of madness, now suited and coiffured. Death no longer screams but speaks in measured tones dripping with reason.
Let me celebrate some of your administration’s more notable success stories:
- Success is no longer a matter of winning; success is as you define it. In touting the reduced casualties your surge has produced, you excluded the victims of car bombing. You argued, “If the standard of success is no car bombings or suicide bombings, we have just handed those who commit suicide bombings a great victory.” All you need is a touch of rhetorical torque and failure becomes success.
- The victim is now the criminal. Under DHS regulations, political asylum is denied anyone who has supplied “material support to terrorists.” Check out this example: Someone kidnapped an Iraqi’s one-year-old son and demanded a $30,000 ransom. The man raised $10,000 and gave it to the kidnappers. The next day he found two package’s on his doorstep. One contained his child’s head, the other the toddler’s headless body. Before he can be allowed to enter the United States, DHS must determine if the kidnappers were criminals or terrorists. If they were criminals, the man and his family can enter the country. If they were terrorists, he can’t because he is guilty of giving material support to a terrorist organization.
- Television is creating policy. Your minions really get off on the television show “24” that featured 67 incidents of torture between 2002 and 2005. Michael Chertoff said of the program, “…frankly, it reflects life.” His desire is to make real life as real as the real life displayed on television. “I wish we could have a rapid execution of tasks within 24 hours.”
Ah George, the fringe is here and it is ours, all ours. America has become a Shakespearian tragedy, and the only question that remains is how many bodies will litter the stage when the curtain falls?
Correction! Shakespeare is a poor analogy. His tragedies were too perceptive. We are more like the play, Marat/Sade, a play about a play: the assassination of Jean-Paul Marat performed by the inmates of the Asylum of Charenton as directed by the Marquis de Sade. Yes, that’s us to a “t”.
You and yours are our actors producing for us escapist fare that makes The Gong Show look like high culture.
It is truly “Mourning in America.”
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
5:01:06 AM 
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