Dear George,
Isn’t it great? Here you are with your back against the wall, the chips down, the whole fucking world braying for your blood, and everyone writing you off. People forget that your administration plays like a B movie. When things look the darkest in a B movie, when the heroine is ready to be swept over the falls, or there’s a sudden shot in the dark, when disaster is eminent and death a reality, that is when the hero appears at the last second to save the day.
As always, your hero is the Big Dick, another in a long line of daddy’s friends who have made a career out of pulling you out of the multiple shit pits you’ve managed to blunder into.
First, we need a little background. The name of your game is empire, specifically the world’s first Corporatists Empire in which the firewall between commerce and government is no more.
All empires are kamikaze enterprises on a fast track to self-destruction. The hubric drive behind empire is to soar like Icarus towards the sun before plummeting earthward in a blaze of glory and melted wax. Empire is all about historic splendor. Nobody remembers who Icarus’ father was. That’s because Daedalus landed safely and lived to a ripe old age. There’s no fame in a natural death.
Empire means blood and conquest; it means trashing countries and wiping out indigenous peoples. It takes a mean mother to build an empire.
When it comes to empire, we have a problem with the American people. World War II corrupted them. Unfortunately, WWII was a good-time glorious war. It was invigorating, it was fun, and in the public’s memory it was bloodless, an impression reinforced by scores of Hollywood productions.
Imperial wars are none of the above. They are gritty and gory. Because of World War II, America has little stomach for them. This is why you have to hype the public every time you want to expand America’s empire.
A Middle East takeover is the next logical step in our empire-building enterprise. Iraq was our launching pad. Things are going just as we wanted—the country is fragmented and trashed, its social cohesion destroyed. Tenant was right when he didn’t say is was a slam-dunk. The next logical step is to take out Iran.
Unfortunately, the public has misinterpreted your success as failure because they believe you when you say you want to build a stable democracy in a unified Iraq when you want the exact opposite. Misunderstandings like that are why the public must be kept out of policymaking.
Condi is taking advantage of this misunderstanding to push a diplomatic solution, which is the last thing you want to happen. But because of a testy public, you’re being forced to play along.
Not to worry. The Big Dick is very adept at bypassing public opinion. While Condi holds her tea parties, the Big Dick is getting muscular. Rumor has it he’s suggesting to Israel that it might want to slam a missile or two into Iran’s nuclear facilities. This will trigger a response from Iran, which means we have to come to the aid of the Israelis. And once again, the media beats the war drums, the public starts braying for blood and the Middle East is transformed into a cauldron of body parts and gore.
‘Tis a thin line that separates boldness from madness. Your genius consists of keeping the rest of the world wondering which side of the line you’re on.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
6:51:57 AM 
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