Dear George,
Whenever I hear one of your lackeys call us a “Christian Nation,” I cringe. It is a very sloppy use of language. “Christian” is too broad a term, and we have seen how disruptive it can be when it is misunderstood as a vehicle for social justice. That is not the Christianity that made America a world-class player.
When we speak of Christianity, we must make it clear that we are speaking of imperial Christianity. Our forefathers believed that we were a “city on the hill,” a light unto the world charged by our Lord and King, Jesus Christ, to spread his gospel to the world.
Now, it is a basic fact of life that the world is not always willing to receive the Good News, and there have been times when we have told a recalcitrant people, “Prepare ye the way of the Lord,” as we began shelling their villages.
Of course, we’re never that blatant about it. After all, we nominally keep church and state separate. So, we speak of spreading democracy to the world and of fighting evil. We eschew wars of imperial conquest in favor of wars of “humanitarian intervention.”
But whatever the rhetorical veneer, our basic belief is that souls that resist being saved must find their salvation through destruction in a baptism by fire.
The world will never know peace until the forces of good (us) eradicate the forces of evil (them). Napalm and shrapnel are our vessels of purification in which nonbelievers become the body and blood of Christ as they explode and their blood sanctifies their soil in the name of Jesus.
But, we must hurry, for ours is an act of fiscal martyrdom. The power of God is manifested in our national security structure, which is groaning beneath the burden of indebtedness. So we must strike, and strike hard, before bankruptcy collapses the structure and reduces it to rubble.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:34:14 AM 
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