Dear George,
Over the last two decades, Greed has emerged as the new decency. The mantra, “Greed is good,” hides a deep and profound spiritual truth. Greed purifies the soul, giving it a clarity of focus once reserved for the mystic and the saint. Through greed our modern day Holy Men have brought God down from the heavens to dwell among us as manifested in the sanctity of Capital.
Augustine’s City of God against the Pagans is a reality as expressed in the gated communities springing up across the land in their monastic purity, protecting their inhabitants from the paganism of the unwashed poor.
Our Holy Men have sanctified capital. The bank vault is the new Arc of the Covenant; the Tax Code, the new scripture.
They are on a mission to purify the poor through a regimen of austere discipline, as they teach the poor that spiritual growth is possible through fasting and hardship. Under their guidance, the poor have become our modern day anchorites.
A new Holy of Holies walks among us in the person of St. Alan of the Fed who is bringing to the world the Good News of liberation and redemption through the Gospel of Free Enterprise. St. Alan revealed the Tao of Greed when he said, “Undeviating purpose and rationality achieve joy and fulfillment. Parasites who persistently avoid either purpose or reason perish as they should.”
This is nothing less than an updated Golden Rule through which mankind will achieve what the mystic Ayn Rand called the “utopia of greed.”
Just as God knows when a sparrow falls to the ground, so does He know when one of His children fucks up by making too many bad loans, and His loving hand saves his wayward children by pumping more liquidity into the system.
Jesus did not scourge the Temple simply because the moneychangers had set up shop. He scourged it because they were getting a poor return on their denarii. It was his way of downgrading their rating to a junk bond level.
Greed is no longer simply good. It is a moral obligation that strengthens the soul and steadies the eye. Those who are unable to achieve this purity surely will fall into the pit of destitution and want.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:59:58 AM 
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