Dear George,
People ask why we Americans are so apathetic as you slowly leech off our liberties. The answer is simple: We have a uniquely American concept of liberty. We want a polite liberty, a liberty that stays in its seat and asks permission to speak. We want a liberty that bathes daily and flosses after every meal. Above all, we want a liberty that changes its underwear everyday.
But let liberty get a little feisty, let it burn down a couple of cities or throw a few rocks or speak with the profane rage of the oppressed and the public cheers the forces of law and order as they beat liberty into submission and she once again sits quietly in the corner and dares speak not a word.
Displays of liberty scare the shit out of the public. It’s so unsanitary. Demonstrations are noisy and disrespectful; agitators spray spittle as they cry out against injustice. Nobody wants the serene space of their prosperity fouled by the stench of the poor or the cries of hungry children. Christ! Foreigners get so damned hysterical when their loved ones are blown up. Who wants to turn on the TV and see some damn mother wailing over her baby’s corpse?
We are free citizens in a free country and if we have to lose a couple of liberties to maintain liberty’s purity, then it’s a small price to pay. When will the natives learn that liberty is all about civilized behavior and a proper respect for authority?
They simply don’t understand what it means to be free.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:15:08 AM 
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