Dear George,
Listen! I had a long chat with the Martian ambassador last night. (He and I talk a lot when I am stoned.) I gotta tell ya, Big Guy, he is getting a little impatient. The Martians are hot to colonize earth, but they want the present tenants evicted first, preferably as flecks of ash rising heavenward in a mushroom cloud of radioactive rapture. In the heat of a nuclear fire is the purification that will make the earth fit for Martian habitation.
Now, the ambassador knows the Big Dick is the point man on this operation. But as he has told you, they would like to pick up the pace a little. (And all this time you thought you were talking to God.)
They picked earth because it is one big Corporatist State and they fully understand that the sociopathic greed that is its dynamic can only end in a mushroom cloud.
The bottom line, here, is that its time to get honest about our eternal war. More and more countries want more and more of the oil of which there is less and less. We have to grab it, and the only way to do so is to nuke everyone who wants it. Conventional warfare is not going to cut it. America will only be secure when we bomb the rest of the world back to the Stone Age. A nuclear bomb does not to anyone any good gathering rust.
Sure, it will destroy us as well, but there is glory in going under while clinging to your principles. You, if anybody, should understand that.
The ambassador wants you to light a fire under your Neocons. Only an ideologue could pull this one off. You have successfully marginalized the realists in your administration with their prattle about conservation and alternative fuels. The beauty of ideologues is that they are so fogged out by their pipe dreams of conquest and glory that they are capable of doing something stupid like unleashing our nuclear arsenal on the world.
Iran offers an excellent opportunity to trigger the nuclear tribulation that will beam the naked and the charred up to heaven. The damp bile that has polluted the earth's atmosphere offers the optimal conditions for growing mushrooms. Act now and the Martians will honor whatever is left of you to honor.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
5:52:51 AM 
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