Dear George,
What happened? I thought you had them pussy whipped! I mean, their marching orders were simplicity itself: you provide the policy; they shape the intelligence to support it. It was working like clockwork. You charged Iran with trying to build nuclear weapons and rightfully assumed that the CIA would build its intelligence around your accusation.
Now the CIA has turned around and stabbed you in the back with their latest report that says Iran ceased their nuclear weapons program in 2003, four fucking years ago! To make matters worse, they said you had read the report before you started with your World War III talk.
I think a little housecleaning is in order. Ideology, not facts is the order of the day when it comes to intelligence gathering. Lopping off a few heads would be a good wakeup call for Langley.
Thank God, your administration is the Bullshit Meister of the world. I am confident you can defuse the report’s negative impact with some creative reframing.
You took your first step when you pointed out that this stellar member of your Axis of Evil had intended to develop nuclear weapons at one point in its three-thousand year history. Under your comprehensive redefinition of the international legal system, intent is sufficient to convict. Therefore, Iran continues to be a danger to our national security and a threat to Israel’s existence.
Now is the time to shift the emphasis and start dragging out more Iranian-made IEDs. This is where you want to bring in the human element. You have to reframe the Jessica Lynch saga that was so effective until it turned out to a fairy tale.
What you need is a dead American body. Actually, a live one with its legs blown off would do, though dead is better because the dead cannot contradict your bullshit.
This body would need certain characteristics. It must be White from a photogenic small town family-also White. Two or more years of college would help.
Assemble the fragments of the IED that took him out and tell the world the device came from Iran.
Then you trigger the media saturation that will keep this young man’s tragic death on the front page for weeks. Flood the airways with tearful interviews with his family. Show America snapshots of him as a baby, as a toddler, as a little boy, as a teenager. Interview his pastor who will tell tales of all the young man did to help the poor and the elderly. If he is not an Eagle Scout, make the Boy Scouts of America award him one posthumously. Interview the girl he left behind. Between sobs, have her tell of the wedding plans now shattered. Show her boxing up the wedding gown she will never wear. Attend the funeral and arrange a photo op of you comforting his photogenic family.
Monger fear and anger with a vengeance. We must avenge this outrage. Demonize the Iranians as barbarians who think nothing of taking the lives of innocent young Americans. Proclaim his death to be an act of aggression and a potential threat to the security of our boys serving in Iraq.
As soon as passions are boiling, strike! If the dead body’s name was Brad Bellingham, call the attack Operation Brad.
The bottom line is that you need the chaos and disaster such an attack would yield if you are to complete the transition of America from a democratic republic to a Corporatist State. Without another war, all your efforts to date could be undone. So, ignore the CIA and do what you have to do. Remember that history will vindicate your every screw-up.
Incidentally, take John Bolton out to the woodshed and give him a few lessons about running his mouth. He made a rather intemperate remark when he said,“I never base my views on this week’s intelligence.” This implies that all intelligence is bullshit, which we know it is, but it is one of those things best kept between us boys.
War is beautiful, George. It creates all sorts of exciting possibilities. I am confident you will not let reality stand in the way of the next one.
Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones
7:12:01 AM 
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